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24 Hours of Le Mans live update part one

We tasked surfing journalist Rory Parker to watch this year's live stream of the 2016 24 Hours of Le Mans. What follows is an experiment to experience the world's greatest endurance race from the perspective of a motorsports novice with a profanity-laden stream-of-consciousness writing style. Parker lives in Hawaii and spends far more time spearfishing than behind the wheel of a car. Jump ahead to Part Two here, and Part Three here. Big Money and billionaire hobbyists and rockets on wheels. Jets belching French color smoke overhead. Balance of power fuckery. Plenty of water on the ground this morning. Absurdly expensive motorcars lined up in the pissing rain. Fast twitch lunatics behind the wheel. Chomping at the bit. Let's go let's go let's go! Race hasn't even started, Ford #67 maybe dealing with clutch issues. Karma? That beautiful bastard Brad Pitt's out on the track, waving the tricolor flag. It's a standing start in "Noah's Ark" weather and the 2016 24 hours of Le Mans is go! First lap takes place behind the safety car, finished in a record setting 8 minutes 27 seconds. Wrong kind of record maybe, but this is the first time I've set my mind to watching the whole damn race. Feel like I'm part of history. 3:00 AM on Kauai, a little too early for life. Sucking down coffee like a maniac. Don't fall back asleep. Got my hands on four hours of rest, how much more can I need? Better be enough for the next twenty four hours. Gonna get kinda punchy toward the end. Jason Statham on the scene. Four feet of solid muscle, non-existent hairline. Lovely wife peanut gallery sitting next to me calls him the "best race car drive in the world." Not sure if she's serious. Toss up, could go either way. Statham's a funny guy. Heir to the Bruce Willis comedy action crown. Really good in the movie where the fat comedy lady plays a spy. Ford's on the road. Problems with gearbox pressure, apparently. Nearing a half hour in and the safety car is still on the track. Hellish amounts of water on the ground, in the air. Visibility is garbage. Getting better. Twitter wags, "Not with a bang but a whimper." Just building suspense. Mother Nature felt like killing some people today, race officials need to dial back the drivers until it dries a tad. Normal inclination would've seen 'em flying, guaranteed early lap wrecks. Sad news for that bloodthirsty part of my lizard brain I try and keep suppressed. Good news for humanity. #12 in the pit for a bit.

Chevrolet Malibu could last until 2024 before joining the dodo

Automotive News pieced together all available intel on the Chevrolet and GMC lineups, trying to ascertain how much life each model might have left. Concerning the Chevrolet Malibu, the answer is not too much, and the historic nameplate's final years don't look like the glory kind. After a major overhaul in 2016 boosted sales for the ninth-generation sedan to 227,881 units, the 2018 sales fell to 144,542, and this year's are down almost 15% through the end of June. The Malibu is one of two Chevrolet sedans still breathing - the other being the Impala for now - but only for about five more years. AN says there'll likely be a refresh in 2022, followed by a visit from the Reaper in 2024. After that, it could be "indirectly replaced" by an electric vehicle, one of the 23 EVs that GM is working on for 2023.     The Impala will meet the ax earlier despite a recent stay of execution. Production is still set to close in January 2020. In the entire GM stable, Cadillac might soon be the only marque with sedans. The Buick LaCrosse has a date with death, and Groupe PSA won't supply Opels-as-Regals forever.  The Sonic hatchback should say goodbye at the end of 2020, a year before the seemingly eternal Spark is thought to die. Two years after that, according to one report, the Camaro will go back into cold storage, perhaps forever, and AN says an "expected redesign of the car in 2021 was reportedly canceled." Finally, let's give one final shout-out to the Chevrolet Cruze, a global nameplate, which in the United States alone outsells the Malibu, outsold the Camaro by a factor of three last year, and absolutely trounces the Impala, Sonic, and Spark. Even that couldn't get a stay of execution. In more uplifting news, everything's happening on the crossover and truck side in the next few years. The Chevy Bolt is due for a refresh next year, even though it has "become more important for self-driving ride-hailing fleets that GM Cruise plans to operate than for consumers." In 2021, the Bolt-based crossover should bow, first in China, then here. It's said to look like "a mix of the Bolt and Trax" in spy shots. Still waiting for a green light: a possible subcompact GMC crossover called Granite that might make it to market by 2023. The full-sized SUV triplets Tahoe, Suburban, and Yukon could show their new faces in 2020. The Silverado might get an updated interior in 2020 or 2021, while the Colorado and Canyon mid-sized pickups won't get attention until perhaps 2023.

The cars and trucks of 'Transformers: Rise of the Beasts'

The latest spectacle in the Transformers franchise is about to hit the theaters. The final trailer was released, giving us peeks at what appears to be a pretty boilerplate story about the end of the world. There's some kind of ancient interplanetary war brewing and it's up to some teenagers to sort it out with the help of their robot buddies. But this is Autoblog, so we're not even going to try to suss out a plot so thin it won't hold a spittle globule's worth of water. We'll just go over the cars. Transformers: Rise of the Beasts | Official Final Trailer (2023 Movie) Porsche 911 Carrera RS 3.8: Mirage So far the star of the film, car-wise, looks to be a blue-on-silver 964 Porsche named Mirage that is voiced by Pete Davidson. It's been the most promoted of the movie cars, even more so than formerly central characters like Bumblebee and Optimus Prime. Except, this isn't just any ordinary 911; it's a Carrera RS 3.8, a European-exclusive model of which Porsche only built 55 units. As the name implies, it came with a bored-out M64 turbo flat-six as opposed to the 964 Turbo's 3.6. It wore the Turbo's wide-body badonk with a bi-level rear wing, but Porsche reportedly stripped out 570 pounds' worth of weight despite embiggening key performance parts like brakes and wheels. Fortunately, no actual RS 3.8s were used in the movie. Producers instead built five cars for different purposes — shooting closeups of actors, jumps, the obligatory driving backwards real fast — out of lesser 911s. However, the sound department did record the engine note of an actual RS 3.8 for accuracy, as the higher crank speeds of the 3.8 have a distinctive sound.  In the original 1984 Transformers lineup Mirage was a Ligier JS11 Formula 1 car, complete with faux Gitanes cigarette branding (on a children's toy!). An F1 racer would raise an eyebrow on the streets, so it made sense to update to a street-legal sports car. If you're wondering why this Porsche isn't the character Jazz, whose original vehicle mode was an ultra-cool Martini-liveried Porsche 935, well, he was remade into a Pontiac Solstice voiced by Darius McCrary during the GM product placement rewrite in 2007's Transformers reboot, then unceremoniously killed. 1977 Chevrolet Camaro: Bumblebee Formerly the franchise star, Bumblebee gets far less screen time in the trailers. He's still a Camaro, but because Transformers: Rise of the Beasts takes place in 1994 he's not a fith-gen.