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This junkyard '91 Grand Am is as hooptie as it gets

I spend a lot of time in junkyards. A lot of time. With all this experience, I have learned to recognize a perfect hooptie when I see one, a car whose final owner got every last bit of use out of it when its value was hovering right about at scrap value. This 1991 Pontiac Grand Am that I spotted in a San Francisco Bay Area self-service wrecking yard a few days ago, from the final model year for the third-generation Grand Am, checks all the hooptie boxes just right. First of all, it's a low-option coupe with the wretched and unloved GM Iron Duke engine, a rattly, gnashy, thrashy 2.5-liter four-cylinder kludged together using off-the-shelf parts from the Pontiac 301-cubic-inch V8 during the darkest years of the Malaise Era and used in cars whose buyers just didn't care. Most of the paint has been burned off by 25 years of harsh California sun, but the car spent sufficient time in a damp, shady spot for lichens to build up here and there. There are skeletons-with-sombreros stencils sprayed here and there, plus a big moonshine-guzzling skeleton mural painted on the hood. Goodbye, property values! Still, someone felt some affection for this car, giving it the name "Good Ol' Snakey" and painting that name on the decklid. We can assume that the Iron Duke was a bit loose by this time, probably leaving a serpentine trail of blue smoke behind the car at all times. So, the combination of cheapness, ugliness, menace, and who-gives-a-damn functionality make this Grand Am an excellent example of a pure hooptie. Within a couple of months, it will be crushed, shredded, shipped out of the Port of Oakland, and reborn in China as refrigerators and Geely Emgrands. Somewhere in Northern California, though, a few of Ol' Smokey's friends will remember this car fondly.

Pontiac could be a phoenix rising from the ashes

Of the deceased American car companies from the past 50 years such as Hummer, Mercury, Oldsmobile, Plymouth and Saturn, I believe the most worthy resurrection would be Pontiac. After all, it's no longer politically correct to drive an ex-military vehicle with single-digit gas mileage, nor do Millennials and Gen-Xers desire AARP-associated nameplates such as Mercury or Oldsmobile. Pontiac was originally founded in 1893 by Albert G. North and Harry G. Hamilton as the Pontiac Buggy Company, due to their location in Pontiac, Michigan. But as the early 1900s automotive revolution took off, they shifted their focus from horse-drawn carriages to motorized transportation. Taking a cue from Oakland County where they were based, they rebranded their organization as the Oakland Motor Company. Within a couple years, sales of Oakland cars were so good that it caught the attention of General Motors and they bought the company. In 1926, GM premiered the first Pontiac and its name drew inspiration from the legendary Native American War Chief, who was famous for the Battle of Bloody Run and opposition of British forces. His likeness was used in early promotional materials as well as the vehicle's emblem which was referred to simply as the "Indian Head". In 1956, the outdated emblem was replaced with a new, sleeker logo that resembled a red arrow head. It was known as "The Dart" and featured a singular star in the center which may have been a nod to Pontiac's successful Star Chief model. The 1960s saw the introduction of several popular models such as the GTO and the Firebird. The GTO was initially offered as an option package on the 1964 Tempest, and the name was the brainchild of John Delorean, who would later go on to form his own eponymous automobile company. The Firebird debuted in 1967 as a pony-car foil to Ford's award-winning Mustang. Although mechanically similar to Chevrolet's Camaro, the Firebird boasted a distinct sheetmetal nose and tail to help visually distinguish it. The 1980s were another adventurous time for Pontiac, and GM took advantage of the sales momentum by running a successful ad campaign. It proclaimed "We Build Excitement" and highlighted an arrangement with musicians Daryl Hall and John Oats. The fiery Fiero was a home-run for Pontiac and it was introduced in 1983 as an '84 model. Not only was it the first U.S. produced mid-engine sports coupe, but it also utilized lightweight, dent-resistant body panels.

Want to buy a worst-in-show-winning Faux Ferrari Fiero?

UPDATE: This heap sold for $5,001. But don't fret, there are more terrible cars out there for the taking if that's your thing. Today we bring you something truly terrible. It's not just a fake Ferrari built on the guts of an old Pontiac Fiero, it's actually the world's worst fake Ferrari built on the guts of an old Pontiac Fiero. And it's got the award from the Concours d'Lemons to prove it. It's so heinous, in fact, that it has somehow managed to become desirable, at least judging by the bidding history of this bright red affront to Maranello. Powered by a 140-horsepower 2.8-liter V6 engine (covered by an unconvincing and broken fake V12 cover) hooked to an automatic gearbox, this gloriously poor Prancing Horse won't be winning many stoplight drag races. There are bundles of stray wires hanging down from the dashboard, it has high mileage, most of its lights don't work, and it's ugly. Like, really ugly. And to top it off, this Fauxrarri can't currently be registered in its home state of California because it has failed its most recent smog test. Put simply, you're looking at a total piece of junk. But a piece of junk with internet notoriety, having been featured on an episode of Jay Leno's Garage after attending the 2019 Quail Motorsports Gathering — by mistake at first, and then earning a special place next to the porta potties — being the focus of a video series on YouTube and winning the aforementioned ribbon for Worst in Show at Lemons. Somehow, bidding has topped $4,000 at the time of this writing. This content is hosted by a third party. To view it, please update your privacy preferences. Manage Settings. If you want to earn the ire of your neighbors — and to be clear, we really wouldn't recommend it — click on over to Cars & Bids to view the auction. There are four days left to hit the "bid" button. Consider yourself warned. Related Video: