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VIDEO: Saturn's demise? We blame Jim Gaffigan*

Click above to view the video after the jump
When the deal to sell Saturn to Penske Automotive fell through, there were likely a lot of surprised people at General Motors' Detroit, MI headquarters. Penske released a statement saying that the reason the deal fell through after months of good faith negotiations was that a suitable post-GM supply of vehicles could not be found. However, after reacquainting ourselves with over eight minutes of outtakes from Jim Gaffigan's old Saturn commercial, we're thinking the comedic pitchman is to blame.

GM nixes fleet-only Chevy Captiva Sport

Well, guys, it looks like Saturn is finally dead in the United States once and for all. According to Automotive News, Chevrolet has discontinued production of its fleet-only Captiva Sport - a rebadged Saturn Vue - after three years on the market. The very last US-spec Captiva Sport was built in Mexico in August. GM will still produce the vehicle for sale in the Mexican market, as well as for export.
GM initially offered the Captiva Sport for rental fleets as a way to free up capacity for the sightly larger Chevy Equinox and GMC Terrain crossovers, which, according to AN, had been in short supply. The Captiva Sport also did a nice job protecting the resale values of its other similar-sized CUVs because they didn't have to play in the fleet market. But with Chevrolet preparing to launch its subcompact Trax CUV in the US, the automaker will soon have a clear, three-tier crossover lineup without the Captiva Sport. The Trax fills out the bottom end, followed by the Equinox and the seven-passenger Traverse.
For now, renters seeking a taste of 'Classic GM' will have to whet their appetites with the fullsize Impala Limited.

Clever video selling Saturn Ion "sex machine" will catch your eye

"When I think of the most impressive, industry changing, earth shattering vehicles of recent history, the first car that comes to my mind is the 2004 Saturn Ion Coupe." So says Brad Holt of Dallas, Texas. And he's right, clearly. One look at the specific specimen Holt is selling will be enough to convince you that the car "will absolutely tickle every one of your fancies," as claimed by the seller himself.
We suggest you watch the video below to see just how perfectly Holt's sex machine will fit into your life. The end result will no doubt be exactly as Holt ends his video: "You need it. Like a lot." You can also read more info from Brad in an interview here. If only our offices were a little closer to Dallas...