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Even 'basic' girls are tired of their cheating VW Jettas

Well, this didn't take long. Former Volkswagen CEO Martin Winterkorn's office probably hasn't even been packed yet, and the jokes about his scandal-ridden former employer have already begun to fly. Today, we'll be featuring the team from Funny Or Die, which has opted to not only skewer Volkswagen for its TDIsaster, but one of the victims of the company's catastrophe – the 'basic' girl. For those not in the know, "basic," according to Urban Dictionary is an adjective reserved for someone "devoid of defining characteristics that might make a person interesting, extraordinary, or just simply worth devoting time or attention to," and that they are "lacking intelligence and unable to socialize on even an elementary level." And when it comes to basic girls, the Volkswagen Jetta is as ubiquitous as a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte. But with the VW controversy, basic girls are finding their Jettas aren't so good for their green credentials. So check out Funny Or Die's take on these scorned drivers, in the video above. And fair warning, there's a bit of foul language.

Volkswagen lays off 500 Chattanooga workers

The redesigned Volkswagen Passat has been a decent seller since its debut in 2011, but sales have apparently dropped off enough that the automaker is trimming some of the employees from its Chattanooga, TN assembly plant. According to Automotive News, Volkswagen will be cutting shifts and laying off 500 contracted workers in response to slowing sales.
Currently, the plant has three teams running 10-hour shifts Monday through Saturday, but starting May 13, this will be reduced down to two teams running 10-hour shifts Monday through Thursday. This will be done to reduce dealer inventory (the article says that VW dealers, on average, have a 97-day supply of Passats) and production capacity (currently running at an annual pace of 170,000 units, which is more than the 150,000 annual units the plant was planned to produce).
This, of course, isn't saying that the Passat has been a failure since VW added 200 full-time employees to the plant in February 2012 to keep up with increased demand. The AN article says that automakers frequently overstaff plants during the launch of a new product - or in this case, a new product and a new plant - but eventually reduce the workers as things run smoother and more efficiently.

VW confirms Audi's emissions test transmission anomalies

Just a week after reports that the California Air Resources Board (CARB) found an emissions cheat in some Audi automatic transmission software programs, parent company Volkswagen has come clean. As reported by Reuters, VW's response to an article by Munich's Sueddeutsche Zeitung stated that the adaptive shift functionality can "lead to incorrect and non-reproducible results." Adaptive shift programs alter the characteristics of a vehicle's transmission to suit different driving styles. Gentle driving will result in earlier shifts and lower engine revs, while hard-charging on the pedals and steering will make the transmission more responsive and hold gears longer. That adaptation can change over time or even on a short-term basis. And it can save fuel. The difference in this case is that is seems that the Audi transmissions were specifically programmed to detect emissions test conditions. As we explained in a previous article, one of those test conditions is keeping the wheel straight. Turning more than 15 degrees shuts the test mode off. According to Reuters, the US government is trying to determine whether this classifies as an emissions cheat device, although VW, Audi, and the EPA have not commented on the record. This latest accusation is separate from the larger VW diesel emissions scandal. Related Video: Image Credit: Getty Editorial Government/Legal Green Audi Volkswagen Emissions vw diesel scandal