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Even 'basic' girls are tired of their cheating VW Jettas

Well, this didn't take long. Former Volkswagen CEO Martin Winterkorn's office probably hasn't even been packed yet, and the jokes about his scandal-ridden former employer have already begun to fly. Today, we'll be featuring the team from Funny Or Die, which has opted to not only skewer Volkswagen for its TDIsaster, but one of the victims of the company's catastrophe – the 'basic' girl. For those not in the know, "basic," according to Urban Dictionary is an adjective reserved for someone "devoid of defining characteristics that might make a person interesting, extraordinary, or just simply worth devoting time or attention to," and that they are "lacking intelligence and unable to socialize on even an elementary level." And when it comes to basic girls, the Volkswagen Jetta is as ubiquitous as a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte. But with the VW controversy, basic girls are finding their Jettas aren't so good for their green credentials. So check out Funny Or Die's take on these scorned drivers, in the video above. And fair warning, there's a bit of foul language.

Suzuki and VW finalize their divorce

The rocky divorce between Suzuki and Volkswagen is finally over after working its way through the International Court of Arbitration since 2011, according to the Japan Times. In the final settlement to end the companies' disputes, Suzuki agreed to pay VW an undisclosed amount for not living up to the agreement to use the German automaker's diesel engines. While they won't disclose the exact sum, Suzuki said in a statement that the money "will not have any significant impact" on its 2015 fiscal year results, which will end in March. The arbitration court took the biggest step to end this transcontinental partnership in August 2015 when the body ruled VW needed sell its 19.9-percent stake in Suzuki. However, the Japanese company wasn't entirely off the hook because VW was still allowed to sue for damages over the diesel engine issue. This latest decision finally clears up that dispute. Like most marriages, the union between VW and Suzuki began with stars in both parties' eyes. The Germans paid $2.8 billion to buy 19.9 percent of the Japanese company in December 2009. VW was supposed to get greater access to the auto market in India, and Suzuki hoped to capitalize on access to its partner's advanced technology. By 2011, rumors started percolating that things were contentious behind closed doors. VW allegedly tried to assert control over Suzuki's operations, and the Japanese company reportedly wasn't happy with its access to the German tech. Suzuki even bought diesel engines from Fiat, rather than VW. Later that year, company CEO Osamu Suzuki announced he would end the alliance, and they started working through arbitration. Notification Concerning Resolution of Arbitration by Settlement As Suzuki has reached a settlement regarding the arbitration that Suzuki filed with the International Court of Arbitration of the International Chamber of Commerce on 24 November 2011, Suzuki informs you of the following: 1. History from the Request for Arbitration to the Settlement As announced in the "Notification Concerning Arbitration Award" dated 30 August 2015, the Tribunal indicated that it would address the issue of alleged damages arising from Suzuki's breach of the agreement claimed by Volkswagen AG ("VW") in a further stage of the arbitration proceedings. Suzuki reached a settlement with VW in regard to such arbitration proceedings on 10 February 2016. Accordingly, the arbitration proceedings have been concluded. 2.

Audi will submit emissions fix for 3.0 TDI V6 to EPA and CARB

Audi will develop a software update for the emissions control system on Volkswagen Group's 3.0 TDI V6 and will submit the changes to the Environmental Protection Agency and California Air Resources Board for approval. If the government regulators accept it, the tweaks could end the emissions problems for an estimated 85,000 of these engines in the US in Audi, Porsche, and VW models. However, the stop-sale still covers these vehicles until further notice. Audi admits in its statement to failing to disclose three "auxiliary emission control devices" on the V6 to regulators, and US law considers one of these systems a defeat device. VW Group offered the engine in the US on the Audi A6, A7, A8, Q5, and Q7 since the 2009 model year. The mill was also available on the VW Touareg and Porsche Cayenne. The EPA filed a violation against the 3.0 TDI on November 2 because the agency reported that the engine's software contained a defeat device to circumvent emissions tests. The regulator recently extended that notice to cover these powerplants in the US from the 2009 to 2016 model years. Audi's statement vaguely estimates the price of this problem to be in the "mid-double-digit millions of euros," and the automaker could face financial punishment by regulators. "Determinations regarding potential penalties and other remedies will be assessed as part of the investigation EPA has opened in conjunction with the US Department of Justice," an EPA spokesperson told Automotive News. Related Video: Statement on Audi's discussions with the US environmental authorities EPA and CARB Auxiliary emission control devices (AECD) for US version of V6 TDI 3 liter engine to be revised, documented and submitted for approval Technical solution for North America versions from 2009 model year onwards to be worked out in conjunction with the authorities Audi will revise, document in detail, and resubmit for US approval certain parameters of the engine-management software used in the V6 TDI 3 liter diesel engine. That is the result of the discussions held between a delegation from AUDI AG and the US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) and the California Air Resources Board (CARB). The updated software will be installed as soon as it is approved by the authorities. The three brands Audi, Porsche and Volkswagen are affected. Audi estimates that the related expense will be in the mid-double-digit millions of euros.