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Five reasons to love, or hate, the culture of German cars

A few months back, we took a 500-foot view of the culture of American cars, dissecting prides and prejudices on our way to the conclusion that automotive allegiances can be simultaneously embraced and derided. We had so much fun with the narrative that we decided to do it again, this time taking a look at Germany and its world-renowned lineup of automakers, including the likes of Audi, BMW, Mercedes-Benz, Porsche and Volkswagen, among others. Join us below as we discuss the points and counterpoints that make or have made the German auto industry what it is today. And remember, Germany did pretty much invent the automobile, after all... The V12 Engine If America is known for the proliferation of the V8 engine, an argument could be made that Germany owns the V12. Yes, of course, other companies have created V12 engines – Ferrari, Jaguar and Lamborghini immediately come to mind – but the big 12-cylinder powerplants from BMW and Mercedes-Benz, in particular, have proven to be some of the most effortless, luxurious and downright over-built engines the world has ever seen. These days, having 12 cylinders is more a case of wretched excess than ever before, and yet, you can still stroll into your local BMW or Mercedes dealership and get a brand-new 760i, S600 or even an over-the-top G65 AMG, efficiency be damned. Best of all, since the majority of these German powerhouses depreciate as fast as an anchor sinks, nearly any auto enthusiast who dreams of a dozen cylinders can satisfy their carnal desires. Current Star: 2016 Mercedes-Maybach S600 View 28 Photos Diesel Engines Remember how we talked about those glorious V12 engines? Well, you can even get one from Audi that runs on diesel. If your compression-ignition fantasies err more on the side of fuel savings, that's no problem, either. Audi, BMW, Mercedes and Volkswagen have got you covered, with engines starting as small as 800 cubic centimeters (Smart Fortwo). If you want something a little more practical, it's hard to argue with a VW Golf TDI, which will provide plenty of space for you and three of your best friends, plus a fair bit of luggage, all while returning 50-ish miles per gallon. For the purposes of this discussion, we'd rather focus on the asinine levels of torque provided by Germany's high-end diesel engines than the lower-end fuel sippers.

This man literally loves a Porsche [NSFW]

Think you know what "auto erotic" means? Think again. Because one man in Thailand has redefined the term. Caught on security camera footage this guy lurks into a garage, looks over both shoulders, evidently misses the camera, drops trou and has his way with a Porsche Boxster. When the tailpipe proved too hot (or otherwise inhospitable), he moves up to the radiator grille and – ahem – finishes up there. Sadly this isn't even the first time we've come across this particular perversion. We'd urge caution before viewing the video, not only because it's not suitable for a workplace environment, but because once you see it, you're bound to repeatedly blurt out, "Why, man!? Why?"

1950s car ads are timeless

Usually around the Super Bowl a few great car commercials show up, but for the most part auto ads today pale in comparison to the '1950s and '60s. In an era with a truly viable magazine industry, automakers would take out gorgeous full-page spreads to get the word out about their wares. It was also a time when imports were just hitting the US, and there was a boom in sports cars. Car and Driver has gone for a dig into its advertising archives from when the book was known as Sports Cars Illustrated for a truly great viewing experience. You can imagine a young Don Draper mulling over the copy for these ads, but some of it is laughably quaint today. For example, there's a great image of a driver whipping an Austin-Healey 100 around a track. The italicized red text proudly proclaims, "From 0 to 60 MPH in 10.5 seconds." One of the beautiful parts about these advertisements is that you seldom see photos of the cars. Instead, there are often detailed drawings that slightly distort the vehicles' lines. With this approach, the Porsche 356 ends up looking far more curvaceous than in real life. Plus, the front end of the Chrysler 300 looks large enough to land a helicopter on. The whole thing is worth scrolling through. There are some fascinating glimpses into auto history like an ad for Abarth exhausts before the brand was just known for tuning Fiats. Related Video: News Source: Car and DriverImage Credit: GM Heritage Center Marketing/Advertising Read This Chrysler Fiat Porsche Performance Classics porsche 356 abarth