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24 Hours of Le Mans live update part one

We tasked surfing journalist Rory Parker to watch this year's live stream of the 2016 24 Hours of Le Mans. What follows is an experiment to experience the world's greatest endurance race from the perspective of a motorsports novice with a profanity-laden stream-of-consciousness writing style. Parker lives in Hawaii and spends far more time spearfishing than behind the wheel of a car. Jump ahead to Part Two here, and Part Three here. Big Money and billionaire hobbyists and rockets on wheels. Jets belching French color smoke overhead. Balance of power fuckery. Plenty of water on the ground this morning. Absurdly expensive motorcars lined up in the pissing rain. Fast twitch lunatics behind the wheel. Chomping at the bit. Let's go let's go let's go! Race hasn't even started, Ford #67 maybe dealing with clutch issues. Karma? That beautiful bastard Brad Pitt's out on the track, waving the tricolor flag. It's a standing start in "Noah's Ark" weather and the 2016 24 hours of Le Mans is go! First lap takes place behind the safety car, finished in a record setting 8 minutes 27 seconds. Wrong kind of record maybe, but this is the first time I've set my mind to watching the whole damn race. Feel like I'm part of history. 3:00 AM on Kauai, a little too early for life. Sucking down coffee like a maniac. Don't fall back asleep. Got my hands on four hours of rest, how much more can I need? Better be enough for the next twenty four hours. Gonna get kinda punchy toward the end. Jason Statham on the scene. Four feet of solid muscle, non-existent hairline. Lovely wife peanut gallery sitting next to me calls him the "best race car drive in the world." Not sure if she's serious. Toss up, could go either way. Statham's a funny guy. Heir to the Bruce Willis comedy action crown. Really good in the movie where the fat comedy lady plays a spy. Ford's on the road. Problems with gearbox pressure, apparently. Nearing a half hour in and the safety car is still on the track. Hellish amounts of water on the ground, in the air. Visibility is garbage. Getting better. Twitter wags, "Not with a bang but a whimper." Just building suspense. Mother Nature felt like killing some people today, race officials need to dial back the drivers until it dries a tad. Normal inclination would've seen 'em flying, guaranteed early lap wrecks. Sad news for that bloodthirsty part of my lizard brain I try and keep suppressed. Good news for humanity. #12 in the pit for a bit.

Ford GT concept adorns Forza 6 cover

Ford has rolled in to the Detroit Auto Show this week with a staggering array of performance machinery, including the new GT Concept, Mustang GT350R and F-150 Raptor. That's the exciting part. The thing is, that most of us won't have the opportunity to drive any of them, let alone really wring them out on the track. Fortunately, they'll all feature in the upcoming release of Forza 6. Not only that, but the new Ford GT will adorn the box cover as well. Featuring on the cover of the latest installment of what Microsoft (citing Metacritic ratings) says is "the highest-rated racing series of the past decade" would be a coveted place of honor for any automaker. The box art for the original version (at least the one first released in North America) featured a modified Acura NSX, followed by a Nissan 350Z drifter on Forza Motorsport 2, an Audi R8 on Forza 3, Ferrari 458 Italia on Forza 4, an SRT Viper on Forza Horizon, the McLaren P1 on Forza 5 and the Lamborghini Huracan on Forza Horizon 2. This, then, will be the first time a Ford will be the poster child for a new version of the popular game. With carbon-fiber construction, active aero and a twin-turbo EcoBoost V6 pumping out over 600 horsepower, it strikes us as a place well deserved by Dearborn's finest. Microsoft and Ford Unveil Ford GT as the Cover Car for "Forza Motorsport 6" Debuting Exclusively on Xbox One Ford's new line of performance vehicles will star in Microsoft's newest and most advanced racing game DETROIT – Jan. 12, 2015 – Microsoft, Turn 10 Studios and Ford unveiled their new collaboration today at the North American International Auto Show, announcing the all-new Ford GT ultra-high performance supercar as the featured cover car in the next iteration of the acclaimed racing simulation franchise for Xbox, "Forza Motorsport 6," launching exclusively on Xbox One. The GT serves as a technology showcase for Ford with its ultra-efficient EcoBoost engine performance, advanced aerodynamics and lightweight carbon fiber construction. It begins arriving in dealerships in select markets globally late next year. In addition, the companies revealed that Ford's performance vehicle line-up will appear in "Forza Motorsport 6." This includes the GT, Shelby® GT350 Mustang and F-150 Raptor debuted by Ford earlier today at the auto show.

Who would win in a race if the Super Bowl teams were cars?

Until the last down is played this Sunday, we will have the annoyance pleasure of listening to analysts bicker between who will win the Super Bowl, not unlike automotive analysts who do the same thing with cars. If I had a dollar for every conversation about what car would win against another on a specific track, I wouldn't be buying the raw avocados this year for my guacamole. Instead I would be purchasing organic avocados and have the guacamole served in a Ferrari-themed bowl. Yes, those exist. Even so, we still watch year after year knowing full well that the pre-game analysis typically adds up to less than what is left over in the chip bowl after the last guest leaves. Let's take a different approach to analysis this year, let's compare these teams to their vehicle equivalent to decide who would win in a fair race. How do you determine a fair race? When I think of a fair race I think of the Nurburgring. A track that is 12.9 miles, has 1,000 feet of elevation change, and is famously nicknamed The Green Hell by famed driver Jackie Stewart. Although your Supra may beat The Flash himself in a straight line, chances are once you push it to the limits on a 12.9-mile track your brakes will smell like a bonfire and your suspension will have gone into cardiac arrest twice. So if we're racing The 'Ring, what are we driving? To best answer that question we must determine what characteristics define these teams. Not being someone who knows more about my fantasy league than my significant other, I can only go off what I have heard from "experts." The Panthers are honestly known for Cam Newton. Cam is a versatile, fast, brash, and fairly young quarterback. He apologizes for nothing and has Ali-like confidence that shows in his choice of Liberace-type attire. Although he looks to be the favorite, he hasn't yet won a Super Bowl and the team's second-half performances are less than climatic. In racing terms, he has won a lot but no one has seen him race in the dark at the 24 Hours of Le Mans. The Panthers have a ton of acceleration, a brand new chassis, and a driver who is hungry for that first big win. On the other side of the track are the Broncos. It seems as though the Broncos are known for two things, a nostalgic quarterback and a defense that could strike fear into a Honey Badger. If the Broncos were just one component of a vehicle they would be the brakes, and these brakes are outfitted for a locomotive.