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24 Hours of Le Mans live update part one

We tasked surfing journalist Rory Parker to watch this year's live stream of the 2016 24 Hours of Le Mans. What follows is an experiment to experience the world's greatest endurance race from the perspective of a motorsports novice with a profanity-laden stream-of-consciousness writing style. Parker lives in Hawaii and spends far more time spearfishing than behind the wheel of a car. Jump ahead to Part Two here, and Part Three here. Big Money and billionaire hobbyists and rockets on wheels. Jets belching French color smoke overhead. Balance of power fuckery. Plenty of water on the ground this morning. Absurdly expensive motorcars lined up in the pissing rain. Fast twitch lunatics behind the wheel. Chomping at the bit. Let's go let's go let's go! Race hasn't even started, Ford #67 maybe dealing with clutch issues. Karma? That beautiful bastard Brad Pitt's out on the track, waving the tricolor flag. It's a standing start in "Noah's Ark" weather and the 2016 24 hours of Le Mans is go! First lap takes place behind the safety car, finished in a record setting 8 minutes 27 seconds. Wrong kind of record maybe, but this is the first time I've set my mind to watching the whole damn race. Feel like I'm part of history. 3:00 AM on Kauai, a little too early for life. Sucking down coffee like a maniac. Don't fall back asleep. Got my hands on four hours of rest, how much more can I need? Better be enough for the next twenty four hours. Gonna get kinda punchy toward the end. Jason Statham on the scene. Four feet of solid muscle, non-existent hairline. Lovely wife peanut gallery sitting next to me calls him the "best race car drive in the world." Not sure if she's serious. Toss up, could go either way. Statham's a funny guy. Heir to the Bruce Willis comedy action crown. Really good in the movie where the fat comedy lady plays a spy. Ford's on the road. Problems with gearbox pressure, apparently. Nearing a half hour in and the safety car is still on the track. Hellish amounts of water on the ground, in the air. Visibility is garbage. Getting better. Twitter wags, "Not with a bang but a whimper." Just building suspense. Mother Nature felt like killing some people today, race officials need to dial back the drivers until it dries a tad. Normal inclination would've seen 'em flying, guaranteed early lap wrecks. Sad news for that bloodthirsty part of my lizard brain I try and keep suppressed. Good news for humanity. #12 in the pit for a bit.

Ford Police Interceptors dominate Michigan State Police testing

Once again, Ford Motor Company builds the fastest police vehicles. The Blue Oval touted the news in an official release following Michigan State Police and Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department testing. Ford did very well. Except for one acceleration metric – zero to 10 miles per hour – the Blue Oval's Taurus and Explorer-based cop cars were the quickest, with particular praise coming for the EcoBoost-powered models, which bested Chevrolet and Dodge's V8-powered variants. Dearborn's products also posted the fastest average times around MSP's vehicle dynamics course. But it wasn't all positive for Ford. The only four-cylinder in the contest, the 2.0-liter, EcoBoost Ford SSP Sedan, had both the lowest top speed, 120 mph, and the slowest acceleration figures. It was also the slowest in track testing. Ford's products also failed to match the braking and top speeds of its rivals from Detroit and Auburn Hills – the rear-drive Charger Pursuit posted the best braking stats of the entire test, while the V8-powered Chevrolet Caprice hit the highest top speed, at 155 mph. Ford did score a top speed award, among SUVs, but at 132 mph, the naturally aspirated Police Interceptor Utility had to share its award with the equally fast, rear-drive Chevrolet Tahoe. The LA County Sheriff's timing isn't publicly available, but according to Ford, the EcoBoost-powered police cars put on a similarly impressive show for cops on the West Coast. We've assembled a spreadsheet on Google Docs that offers an easy to browse comparison of the different stats assembled by the Michigan State Police, and divided the vehicles between standard V6-powered sedans, high-performance sedans (EcoBoost and V8 models), and SUVs. You can check it out here. Related Video:

Project Ugly Horse: Part VII

Devils, Details and Weight Reduction
There are many things I could call this exercise. A party is not one of them.
I've spent three days crammed in the axle well of this 1989 Mustang with nothing to keep me company beyond a trouble light, a DeWalt drill on the very last of its legs and billion razor sharp, red hot slivers of metal with an affinity for my most sensitive of regions. My joints are raw from crawling around on the concrete. I'm half deaf from the shriek of the spot weld cutter and the boom of the cold chisel and hammer.