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Who would win in a race if the Super Bowl teams were cars?

Until the last down is played this Sunday, we will have the annoyance pleasure of listening to analysts bicker between who will win the Super Bowl, not unlike automotive analysts who do the same thing with cars. If I had a dollar for every conversation about what car would win against another on a specific track, I wouldn't be buying the raw avocados this year for my guacamole. Instead I would be purchasing organic avocados and have the guacamole served in a Ferrari-themed bowl. Yes, those exist. Even so, we still watch year after year knowing full well that the pre-game analysis typically adds up to less than what is left over in the chip bowl after the last guest leaves. Let's take a different approach to analysis this year, let's compare these teams to their vehicle equivalent to decide who would win in a fair race. How do you determine a fair race? When I think of a fair race I think of the Nurburgring. A track that is 12.9 miles, has 1,000 feet of elevation change, and is famously nicknamed The Green Hell by famed driver Jackie Stewart. Although your Supra may beat The Flash himself in a straight line, chances are once you push it to the limits on a 12.9-mile track your brakes will smell like a bonfire and your suspension will have gone into cardiac arrest twice. So if we're racing The 'Ring, what are we driving? To best answer that question we must determine what characteristics define these teams. Not being someone who knows more about my fantasy league than my significant other, I can only go off what I have heard from "experts." The Panthers are honestly known for Cam Newton. Cam is a versatile, fast, brash, and fairly young quarterback. He apologizes for nothing and has Ali-like confidence that shows in his choice of Liberace-type attire. Although he looks to be the favorite, he hasn't yet won a Super Bowl and the team's second-half performances are less than climatic. In racing terms, he has won a lot but no one has seen him race in the dark at the 24 Hours of Le Mans. The Panthers have a ton of acceleration, a brand new chassis, and a driver who is hungry for that first big win. On the other side of the track are the Broncos. It seems as though the Broncos are known for two things, a nostalgic quarterback and a defense that could strike fear into a Honey Badger. If the Broncos were just one component of a vehicle they would be the brakes, and these brakes are outfitted for a locomotive.

Kimi out, Bottas in at Ferrari?

Things have not gone well for Scuderia Ferrari driver Kimi Raikkonen since he returned to the team in 2014. After a pair of strong seasons for Lotus that saw him finish third and fifth, the Finn ended last season in 12th, 106 points behind his teammate, Spaniard Fernando Alonso. His 2015 fortunes have improved – he currently sits in fourth, only a spot behind teammate Sebastian Vettel – but he's been remarkably inconsistent, struggling with the SF15-T, a car that was specifically designed to work with his driving style. He only has a single podium this season, was forced to retire in Australia after a bad pitstop, and he crashed out of the most recent round in Austria. Clearly, Kimi should just stay away from races starting in "Austr." That advice may have come too late, though, as rumors are bubbling up that Ferrari may be swapping its Finns, dropping Raikkonen for his young countryman, Valtteri Bottas. Fox News, citing a report from Germany's Bild, claims Ferrari has made an offer to Bottas' current team, Williams, to secure his services. It doesn't sound like the British team will give him up all that easily, though. According to Fox, Williams enjoys a contractual "option" on the 25-year-old Finn's contract for next season, and that Ferrari would need to buy that contract out to steal him away. Bild claims the Italians have offered $4.4 million, but Williams' second-in-command, Claire Williams, wants nearly four times that. Ferrari has, rejected that figure, allegedly and unsurprisingly. Should the two sides come to a compromise, German and Sahara Force India driver Nico Hulkenberg seems to be the popular choice to take the open Williams seat, Fox is reporting. It's unclear where Raikkonen would end up next. And with that, we consider the 2015 Formula 1 silly season officially open.

2015 Ferrari LaFerrari [w/video]

What a year it's been for enthusiasts who love high-performance, higher-dollar automobiles. The past twelve months or so have been consumed with the three horsemonsters of today's hybrid hypercar enlightenment: the Porsche 918 Spyder, the McLaren P1 and the Ferrari LaFerrari. Getting into just two of the three would be better than a lump of coal in one's stocking come holiday time, but for me, it'd still leave things feeling sadly incomplete, gnawing from within 'til the end of days.
Getting the call from Maranello, therefore, was even more fortunate and satisfying. The 918 Spyder - the only seriously green hybrid of the trio - shook me up with its sophisticated menu of technologies. The McLaren P1 remains more of a true hypercar than the Porsche, what with its e-motor designed to boost the lightweight beast to supernatural speeds above any terrestrial concerns like fuel efficiency. And now it's time for the Italian with the funny name, LaFerrari. No mistake about it: I've been waiting all year for this car a little more than I've been waiting for the other two.
This run of hypercars built up over the year like a famous three-part opera: The enthralling start of the drama sitting in the Porsche 918, tear-assing the heavier green dart around a track in Spain; then on to the UK with the lightness and quick heart of the biturbo V8 in McLaren's track-inspired P1, and it was all to be topped-off at Fiorano with the LaFerrari, fit for a Wagnerian finish.