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24 Hours of Le Mans live update part one

We tasked surfing journalist Rory Parker to watch this year's live stream of the 2016 24 Hours of Le Mans. What follows is an experiment to experience the world's greatest endurance race from the perspective of a motorsports novice with a profanity-laden stream-of-consciousness writing style. Parker lives in Hawaii and spends far more time spearfishing than behind the wheel of a car. Jump ahead to Part Two here, and Part Three here. Big Money and billionaire hobbyists and rockets on wheels. Jets belching French color smoke overhead. Balance of power fuckery. Plenty of water on the ground this morning. Absurdly expensive motorcars lined up in the pissing rain. Fast twitch lunatics behind the wheel. Chomping at the bit. Let's go let's go let's go! Race hasn't even started, Ford #67 maybe dealing with clutch issues. Karma? That beautiful bastard Brad Pitt's out on the track, waving the tricolor flag. It's a standing start in "Noah's Ark" weather and the 2016 24 hours of Le Mans is go! First lap takes place behind the safety car, finished in a record setting 8 minutes 27 seconds. Wrong kind of record maybe, but this is the first time I've set my mind to watching the whole damn race. Feel like I'm part of history. 3:00 AM on Kauai, a little too early for life. Sucking down coffee like a maniac. Don't fall back asleep. Got my hands on four hours of rest, how much more can I need? Better be enough for the next twenty four hours. Gonna get kinda punchy toward the end. Jason Statham on the scene. Four feet of solid muscle, non-existent hairline. Lovely wife peanut gallery sitting next to me calls him the "best race car drive in the world." Not sure if she's serious. Toss up, could go either way. Statham's a funny guy. Heir to the Bruce Willis comedy action crown. Really good in the movie where the fat comedy lady plays a spy. Ford's on the road. Problems with gearbox pressure, apparently. Nearing a half hour in and the safety car is still on the track. Hellish amounts of water on the ground, in the air. Visibility is garbage. Getting better. Twitter wags, "Not with a bang but a whimper." Just building suspense. Mother Nature felt like killing some people today, race officials need to dial back the drivers until it dries a tad. Normal inclination would've seen 'em flying, guaranteed early lap wrecks. Sad news for that bloodthirsty part of my lizard brain I try and keep suppressed. Good news for humanity. #12 in the pit for a bit.

Seventies super-salesman challenges new car-sales record

Some of the fondest memories from my youth were the Sunday afternoons spent walking between rows of new and used cars. This preceded the advent of widely available internet, so the cars didn't sell themselves online: A tentative buyer had to come see the cars in the metal, with old-school salesmen taking well-earned smoke breaks after putting someone behind the wheel of a new Saab 900. All-inclusive subscription services were unheard of. If you open a Guinness records book and look up car salesmen, you'll find Joe Girard. The definitely old-school Detroit salesman regularly sold over 1,000 new cars per year, with a particular high point of 1,425 cars in 1973 guaranteeing him a mention in the Guinness book. To reach that kind of sales figure, you had to be a pretty special salesman, and Girard was. He didn't take breaks unless absolutely necessary, and even his lunch hours were dedicated to selling more cars instead of shooting the breeze with other sales persons. By 1977 he was worn through, having sold over 13,000 cars in his career, and his physique couldn't take it anymore. He's been a motivational speaker since. Now, 44 years later, a Dearborn, Mich., Cadillac and Chevrolet salesman named Ali Reda has reportedly broken Girard's record. The books at Les Stanford Chevrolet Cadillac say Reda sold 1,530 new cars and 52 used cars in 2017, averaging 130 vehicles per month. But after Girard, 89, heard of the sales record, he called his attorney, not letting his record be broken without a fight — or at least an audit. The Dearborn dealer isn't too concerned about Girard's doubts, at least according to Gary Stanford, whose father founded the dealership. "It's very official, trust me," said Stanford to the Detroit Free Press. "Ali is the hardest worker I've ever seen. And if someone doesn't believe the data, well, they're more than welcome to consult with GM. It's all there in black and white." What Girard doesn't get is that Reda was honoring him with the accomplishment. "I read his book, 'How to Sell Anything to Anybody,' and it said it would teach you how to become the best," said Reda, who at age 44 was a newborn when Girard hit his peak. "He's an absolute legend in the industry. Your whole career, you're chasing his name.

Weekly Recap: Ford guns for 2016 Le Mans glory with new GT

On the eve of the 24 Hours of Le Mans, Ford confirmed it will return to the French endurance race in 2016 and campaign the new GT racecar 50 years after three GT40s swept the podium at the Circuit de la Sarthe. The factory will back a two-team, four-car effort that will compete in the World Endurance Championship and the Tudor United SportsCar Championship running cars operated by Chip Ganassi Racing with Felix Sabates. The GT racecar will make its track debut in January at the Rolex 24 at Daytona, and the driver lineup will be announced later. "But rest assured, there's quite a line forming out the door," Ganassi said at the announcement. The GT is the modern successor to the iconic GT40, which won Le Mans four straight years from 1966-1969. The racecar is a rolling testbed of Ford's latest technologies, including a powerful twin-turbo EcoBoost V6. The car also makes extensive use of carbon-fiber pieces and advanced aerodynamics. Ford tapped Multimatic Motorsports of Canada and Roush Yates Engines to aid in the development of the GT racer. The road-going version, which was revealed in January at the Detroit Auto Show, is also set to launch next year. It caps Ford's growing performance lineup, and the company has ambitious plans to launch more than 12 new sporty models by 2020, including hot metal like the Focus RS, F-150 Raptor, and Shelby GT350R. The GT embodies Ford's best tech, but news of its return to Le Mans immediately conjured images of the company's fierce rivalry in the 1960s with Ferrari and intense competition with Porsche. "When the GT40 competed at Le Mans in the 1960s, Henry Ford II sought to prove Ford could beat endurance racing's most legendary manufacturers," Ford executive chairman Bill Ford said in a statement. "We are still extremely proud of having won this iconic race four times in a row, and that same spirit that drove the innovation behind the first Ford GT still drives us today." Ford is going back to Le Mans. Somewhere, Hank the Deuce must be smiling. OTHER NEWS & NOTES 2016 BMW 7 Series arrives in the fall BMW revealed the sixth generation of its flagship 7 Series this week, which will start at $81,300 when it launches in the United States this fall. BMW is billing it as the roomiest 7 Series ever, and it measures 206.6 inches in length.