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Online Find Of The Day: 2008 Cadillac XLR picks up where Excalibur left off

We try very, very hard to keep snark away from creations like the one you see here. After all, someone poured plenty of enthusiasm, time and money into turning a 2008 Cadillac XLR into a modern interpretation of the new-old cars typically done by cottage builders like Excalibur and Clénet. Even so, it's hard not to wince when you set an eye on this machine. With its wheelbase stretched to accommodate the extra bodywork, goofy sidewalls and upkicked nose (examine it in profile, it looks slightly bent in the middle), this "neoclassic" takes whatever was loveable about the Cadillac underneath and buries it in a tacky grave.
Miraculously, the engine bay has been left unmolested, which means the retractable hardtop convertible still features a 4.6-liter Northstar V8 engine good for 320 horsepower. If only that were enough to outrun its shame. If, for some reason, you feel like taking this thing home, Harry Kaufmann Motorcars of Milwaukee says it can be yours for a paltry $74,998. We wish were joking. Check it out here.

Cadillac: The standard of what?

Cadillac's tagline "Standard of the World" goes back to 1908 when it won the Dewar Trophy. While you might think that the moniker and the trophy have something to do with a feat of racing and daring-do against a cadre of British, French, and German marques, it's nothing of the sort. Rather, Cadillac achieved the trophy because of interchangeable parts. The parts they were producing back then were so well-made that Henry Leland, who established Cadillac, was able to disassemble three Model Ks, mix up the parts, and then put together three functioning cars. This amazed the Brits who handed him the trophy, and the "Standard of the World" was born. During the past several months, Cadillac has been producing news releases that would seem as though the company is the Standard of the World: "Cadillac Global Sales Rise 44.2 percent in January ... 18 percent in February ... 22.1 percent in March. . .40.9 percent in April ... 33.8 percent in May ... 7.2 percent in June." Like the Dewar Trophy being about manufacturing not performance, things are not necessarily what they seem. That is, Cadillac's growth is predicated on performance in China, not in the US. Through June, its China sales are 80,357 vehicles for the first five months of 2017, versus 72,073 in the US. The China number is a 75.4-percent year-over-year increase while the US number is a 1.6-percent decrease. For the entire globe, Cadillac has sold 164,174 vehicles. Of them, 65,250 were the XT5. That was followed by the ATS, at 34,277 units. In the US, the XT5 is doing reasonably well, as it has moved 29,798 units during the first six months. The ATS, conversely, is doing not particularly well, as it is down 26.2 percent with sales at just 7,209 for the year so far. To put that into some sort of context, know that Cadillac has sold 7,370 copies of the generally derided XTS, which is down 24.7 percent. The CTS is down 36 percent at 5,059 units, and the only other car in the lineup (we'll pretend that the ELR doesn't exist anymore and it shortly won't), the CT6 sedan, is up 172.7 percent – but they have sold only 5,397 CT6s. While Caddy talks a good game about competing with the likes of the BMW 5 Series and the Mercedes E-Class, know that those two sedans have been sold 17,036 and 20,783 times this year in the US respectively. So what is Cadillac chief Johan de Nysschen to do? According to Reuters, it is to cull the lineup.

2016 Cadillac CTS-V to hit dealers this summer, start at $83,995*

Cadillac has announced pricing for the 640-horsepower CTS-V, and not only will the new super-sedan outgun its heartiest German rivals, it'll undercut them on price, too. Kicking off at $83,995 (not including a $995 destination charge), the CTS-V is nearly $10,000 less than the 560-hp BMW M5, almost $18,000 less than the 577-hp Mercedes-Benz E63 AMG S 4Matic, and is nearly $25,000 less than the 560-hp Audi RS7. So in case you were wondering, yes, the CTS-V will continue to be one of the auto industry's very best high-performance bargains in its third generation. "V-Series represents the pinnacle of Cadillac, a brand that now makes drivers' cars at the highest level," Cadillac's head honcho Johan de Nysschen said in a statement. "The new CTS-V is essentially two cars in one: a luxury sedan with sophisticated road manners and a track-capable sports car with awe-inspiring performance. This type of car is exclusive, the domain of the few who can access this level of incredible capability. V-Series matches or overtakes the finest cars in this elite class, while being more accessible." As for when you can get your hands on bargain-priced beast, dealers are now accepting orders, with deliveries slated to begin late this summer. Scroll on down for the official release from Cadillac. Next-Generation 640-hp Cadillac CTS-V Launches This Summer U.S. DEALERS BEGIN ACCEPTING ORDERS NOW FOR CADILLAC'S UPCOMING PERFORMANCE ICON DETROIT – Cadillac announced today that U.S. dealers will begin accepting orders for the next-generation 2016 CTS-V, the all-new high-performance sedan that launches in late summer. The 640-hp CTS-V is the second of two all-new V-Series models to come to market in 2015, following the smaller ATS-V coupe and sedan, which launches in late spring. Cadillac's new 2016 V-Series models represent a significant expansion of the brand's elite, high-performance line. Not only are the new V-Series cars elevated in terms of performance, they now reach a broader spectrum of drivers by presenting two distinct personalities, size categories and price points. With a top speed of 200 mph and 0-60 performance in 3.7 seconds, the CTS-V is the most powerful car in Cadillac's 112-year history. The 2016 CTS-V is priced from $83,995. Customers can place orders now with dealers and view additional product information at Cadillac.com. The CTS-V elevates into the elite group of the world's highest-performing sedans.