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Behold my hideous Bentley!

Do you all just love my hideous Bentley? It's so insane and tacky. I'm sure if I were to actually order this a British lord somewhere would dispatch his valet to slap me.  Who knows where I'll figuratively be in two weeks' time, but today turns out to be the day I turned to see just how tacky certain car configurators will let you get. Admittedly, they're almost all high-dollar, extra-low-volume cars. If you try to play around on a Honda configurator, you'll have wrapped things up in about 30 seconds.  But Bentley, now that's a company that'll let you get tacky on its configurator. I chose the new Continental GT Convertible because the lowered roof would make it easy to demonstrate in pictures the level of my tackiness. From there, it was this eye-searing Apple Green, though I was certainly tempted by Azure Purple and Magenta. Roof choice? I was expecting there to be more, nevertheless, Claret red seemed like a suitably awful pairing.  Inside, well, let's crack those knuckles and get to work. Luckily, Bentley lets you choose two different leather colors: Main and Secondary "hides" with five choices of how to split those colors. Sorry, colours. I chose Colour Split B cause it seemed to have the most of each colour. For the Main Hide, I went with Hotspur, an extremely red shade of red that would be home in an early 2000s BMW. Cumbrian Green and Damson purple were tempting, but they just weren't bright enough, and I thought they wouldn't pair poorly enough with the Secondary Hide: Newmarket Tan, which is pretty damn orange. You can't see it, but the interior of the roof is Blue. For the veneer, I went with Tamo Ash, 'cause yuck. Finally, throw on some black wheels, and voila, my tacky Bentley. I must say, this is most definitely tackier than the real Bentley Flying Spur I once tested that looked like South Beach threw up inside. So much white and teal. Oh, and that ash wood. A Bentley rep told me they ordered it by mistake.  Now, Bentley isn't the only high-dollar outfit that lets you indulge in such tacky fantasies. Most other British brands do, including Mini, and the Germans offer plenty of color choices as well, usually through some special custom program like Audi Exclusive. Porsche makes it especially easy, though, which you can see in my other craptacular creation below.

Enhance this football field-sized photo to find the Bentley

"Enhance! Enhance! Enhance!" Zooming in on this photo of the Golden Gate Bridge feels like taking part in a 2000s crime lab cop show, with their seemingly endless capabilities to zoom in a photo to catch a suspect. But it's not a grainy safety camera shot we are looking here, but a composite image stitched together using the same space age technology NASA uses to create panorama shots from Curiosity Rover images. Keep zooming, and a Bentley Mulsanne will appear. Keep zooming, and you can get close enough to see the stitching on the Bentley logo on the tan leather headrest. According to Bentley, the image was created by combining 700 separate photographs, and the image consists of 53 billion pixels, or 53 gigapixels. The starting point is nearly half a mile away, and if you decided to play a prank on whoever runs the nearest inkjet printer, you would produce enough material to fill a football field. Bentley says that the point of the zoomable image is to show just how much they pay attention to detail when crafting these $330,000 luxury cars. The particular car is a Mulsanne Extended Wheelbase finished in Rose Gold over Magnetic duo-tone. The image is viewable in its entirety over at Bentley's Look Closer website created for the occasion. Marketing/Advertising Bentley Luxury bentley mulsanne

Bavaria-themed Bentley Continental GT Convertible has a blue top and blue interior

The online configurator for the Bentley Continental GT Convertible offers seven different roof colors, but Imperial Blue is not one of them. It's a specialty product only Mulliner could provide, and it's one of the key features of the new Continental GT Convertible Bavaria Edition. Only one example will be built, making it an instant collector item. Envisioned by Bentley Director of Design Stefan Sielaff, the theme for the Bavaria edition is appropriately white and blue in honor of the German region's flag. Officially, the car wears Glacier White paint, an Imperial Blue top, and 22-inch Mulliner Driving Specification wheels. It also has a bright chrome lower bumper grille, and a chrome-bordered Bavarian flag emblem with Mulliner Bespoke White and Light Blue Sport enamel on the front fender. The interior is just as elegantly pretty. Reverse of the exterior, it predominately features Imperial Blue leather with Linen contrast piping and stitching, and a pearly Mulliner Glacier White veneer dashboard. A branded treadplate plaque and flag headrest stitching add extra special touches. Hand-built by Mulliner, the special-edition car will be shown at an exclusive event at the Munich Bentley dealership. There is no mention of a price or which customer will take ownership of the Bavaria Edition.