2003 Bentley Arnage R 4dr Turbo Sedan on 2040-cars

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Behold my hideous Bentley!

Do you all just love my hideous Bentley? It's so insane and tacky. I'm sure if I were to actually order this a British lord somewhere would dispatch his valet to slap me.  Who knows where I'll figuratively be in two weeks' time, but today turns out to be the day I turned to see just how tacky certain car configurators will let you get. Admittedly, they're almost all high-dollar, extra-low-volume cars. If you try to play around on a Honda configurator, you'll have wrapped things up in about 30 seconds.  But Bentley, now that's a company that'll let you get tacky on its configurator. I chose the new Continental GT Convertible because the lowered roof would make it easy to demonstrate in pictures the level of my tackiness. From there, it was this eye-searing Apple Green, though I was certainly tempted by Azure Purple and Magenta. Roof choice? I was expecting there to be more, nevertheless, Claret red seemed like a suitably awful pairing.  Inside, well, let's crack those knuckles and get to work. Luckily, Bentley lets you choose two different leather colors: Main and Secondary "hides" with five choices of how to split those colors. Sorry, colours. I chose Colour Split B cause it seemed to have the most of each colour. For the Main Hide, I went with Hotspur, an extremely red shade of red that would be home in an early 2000s BMW. Cumbrian Green and Damson purple were tempting, but they just weren't bright enough, and I thought they wouldn't pair poorly enough with the Secondary Hide: Newmarket Tan, which is pretty damn orange. You can't see it, but the interior of the roof is Blue. For the veneer, I went with Tamo Ash, 'cause yuck. Finally, throw on some black wheels, and voila, my tacky Bentley. I must say, this is most definitely tackier than the real Bentley Flying Spur I once tested that looked like South Beach threw up inside. So much white and teal. Oh, and that ash wood. A Bentley rep told me they ordered it by mistake.  Now, Bentley isn't the only high-dollar outfit that lets you indulge in such tacky fantasies. Most other British brands do, including Mini, and the Germans offer plenty of color choices as well, usually through some special custom program like Audi Exclusive. Porsche makes it especially easy, though, which you can see in my other craptacular creation below.

2024 Bentley Flying Spur and Continental GT upgraded with small luxuries

Incremental changes to three of Bentley's 2024 offerings are claimed to bring "harmony" to the Azure, S, and Speed trims across the model lineups. As a refresher, Azure signals the variants that go beyond Bentley's traditional obsessive luxury to cater to wellbeing and comfort. The S and Speed are all about performance. Starting with the 2024 Continental GT and 2024 GTC Azure, the duo look to the Bentayga Extended Wheelbase Azure for a front fascia revision. These include wearing a new "vertical vane grille" that places "bright chrome vertical vanes in front of a black mesh grille." Those are Bentley's words describing what are effectively two grilles. Only one can be seen from afar, though. Down below, the Flying Spur Azure donates its wheel design, the 22-inch, 10-spoke black painted and machined hoop becoming the standard fit for both Continentals. Inside, the 2+2 models upgrade to a new lofted quilting pattern for the leather, and even more sybaritic deep-pile, 100% wool, Wilton overmat carpets. On the Speed side, their grille changes from vertical vanes to a matrix mesh harking back to pre-war models like the Bentley Blower. Exterior jewelry such as the grille surrounds and inserts, and the brightwork along the lower doors, can be optioned in Granite Grey. This will make the Blackline package look even meaner. And opening the doors reveals a new diamond-in-diamond stitch pattern for the cabin leather.  For the all Bentleys, the new exterior color Topaz Blue joins a palette that is already effectively infinite. Inside, the dark tint aluminum technical finish first seen on the Bentayga comes to the instrument panel and waistrails of the Flying Spur and Continental GT, the finish being an abstract representation of the crosshatched lines from the matrix grille. Finally, the nylon carpeting underneath the floor mats will be made from 100% recycled nylon instead of virgin nylon.

Watch a Bentley Continental GT Speed hoon around an abandoned Sicilian air base

If your morning caffeine dose isn't quite getting the job done, watching a 12-cylinder Bentley Continental GT Speed drift around the former NATO Comiso Air Station in Sicily may just do the trick. While "Continental Drift" may have nothing to do with plate tectonics in this context, it's highly appropriate that the GT Speed is powered by a W12 producing enough torque to shape the Earth's crust from above. Too bad Land Rover has dibs on "Pangea Green" as a paint finish. Per Bentley, the short was filmed during the recent Global Media Drive for the GT Speed. Bentley converted the abandoned NATO base into a gymkhana-style track. "Abandoned almost 30 years ago and having been slowly reclaimed by nature since, Comiso proved to be the ideal place to create a safe yet challenging environment to demonstrate the performance credentials of the GT Speed," Bentley said in the accompanying announcement.  Comiso is no stranger to ground-based missiles, but the Continental GT Speed is an entirely different breed. Its 6.0-liter twin-turbo W12 makes 650 horsepower (up 24 over the standard W12) and 664 pound-feet of torque, dropping the GT Speed's 0-60 mph time to 3.5 seconds on the way to a top speed of 208 mph.