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Gliding on the ice at Bentley's fantasy camp

It was just before 2:00 PM when I landed in Helsinki, bleary-eyed and more than slightly disoriented, after a late-night departure from New York and an early-morning connection in Amsterdam. I was staring at the departures board. There was one more flight to go before I could join Bentley for Power on Ice, its annual ice driving experience in the northerly town of Kuusamo, but there was a problem: There were two HEL-KAO flights on the board, both slated to leave at 4:30, and it was impossible to discern which was Bentley's chartered flight to the alpine ski area. Nonplussed and unable to utter a word in Finnish, I approached a gate agent with rudimentary English to see if she knew which flight was mine. "I'm sorry, sir," she said in an Finnish take on the Omaha dialect, "Your plane does not seem to exist." I winced. Of course it didn't. "My" plane was way out on the tarmac, far away from proletariat jumbo jets, accessible only through a gate that the automaker had staffed and commandeered for the afternoon. It was an auspicious start to three days of attending Bentley's exclusive fantasy camp for its affluent super-fans, which purportedly exists to answer the question: What can you give the Bentley fan who already has everything? For drivers more accustomed to making graceful entries and exits in their posh vehicles, several days of power sliding on a private track more than suffices. You need not be a Bentley owner to participate in the program, but an aficionado of the brand with some cash burning a pretty big hole in the pocket. For the better part of a decade, Bentley has decamped to Kuusamo, the town located just south of the Arctic Circle, to prove the British performance bona-fides of its lineup on 19 square miles of frozen Kuusamojarvi lake, as part of the wintertime Power on Ice event. The program satisfies the need of high-end performance enthusiasts who want something different than arriving at another five-star hotel for another weekend of good eating, drinking, and relaxing. Plenty of brands assert that they have a bespoke answer for discerning customers, but Power on Ice is truly different. You need not be a Bentley owner to participate in the program, but an aficionado of the brand with some cash burning a pretty big hole in the pocket.

Behold my hideous Bentley!

Do you all just love my hideous Bentley? It's so insane and tacky. I'm sure if I were to actually order this a British lord somewhere would dispatch his valet to slap me.  Who knows where I'll figuratively be in two weeks' time, but today turns out to be the day I turned to see just how tacky certain car configurators will let you get. Admittedly, they're almost all high-dollar, extra-low-volume cars. If you try to play around on a Honda configurator, you'll have wrapped things up in about 30 seconds.  But Bentley, now that's a company that'll let you get tacky on its configurator. I chose the new Continental GT Convertible because the lowered roof would make it easy to demonstrate in pictures the level of my tackiness. From there, it was this eye-searing Apple Green, though I was certainly tempted by Azure Purple and Magenta. Roof choice? I was expecting there to be more, nevertheless, Claret red seemed like a suitably awful pairing.  Inside, well, let's crack those knuckles and get to work. Luckily, Bentley lets you choose two different leather colors: Main and Secondary "hides" with five choices of how to split those colors. Sorry, colours. I chose Colour Split B cause it seemed to have the most of each colour. For the Main Hide, I went with Hotspur, an extremely red shade of red that would be home in an early 2000s BMW. Cumbrian Green and Damson purple were tempting, but they just weren't bright enough, and I thought they wouldn't pair poorly enough with the Secondary Hide: Newmarket Tan, which is pretty damn orange. You can't see it, but the interior of the roof is Blue. For the veneer, I went with Tamo Ash, 'cause yuck. Finally, throw on some black wheels, and voila, my tacky Bentley. I must say, this is most definitely tackier than the real Bentley Flying Spur I once tested that looked like South Beach threw up inside. So much white and teal. Oh, and that ash wood. A Bentley rep told me they ordered it by mistake.  Now, Bentley isn't the only high-dollar outfit that lets you indulge in such tacky fantasies. Most other British brands do, including Mini, and the Germans offer plenty of color choices as well, usually through some special custom program like Audi Exclusive. Porsche makes it especially easy, though, which you can see in my other craptacular creation below.

King Charles' electric I-Pace goes to auction next month

Never mind the Bentley State Limousines, the Aston Martin DB6 Volante that Queen Elizabeth II bought him on his 21st birthday, or the Rolls-Royce Phantom VI valued at more than $600,000. The car of the moment, if we’re talking about the garage of King Charles III of England, is a far more ordinary — and all-electric — Jaguar I-Pace purchased in 2018 by His Majesty “for his personal use." The royal Jag is set to be auctioned off March 2 at the famed Ascot Racecourse; estimated selling price is as high as $88,000. If you miss out on the auction of a president's former ride, here's one from a king. The SUV, notable as the first all-electric vehicle to be embraced by the royal family, is the range-topping I-Pace EV400 HSE all-wheel-drive luxury five-seater that the king — prince of Wales at the time — bought in September 2018 for $75,000. According to the auction site, the Jag was "purchased with his own money." Charles had Jaguar install a fast charger at Clarence House, his residence. The vehicle was returned to a Jaguar dealership after two years — itÂ’s not clear if it had been leased — with only 3,000 miles on the clock. Subsequently, the SUV was sold to one Karen French of Oxfordshire. She said in a statement offered by Historics Auctioneers, “This I-Pace was exactly what I was looking for and pretty much on my doorstep. It was only when I agreed to buy it that I discovered its extraordinary history — I was absolutely thrilled. Having driven it over 30,000 miles,” she added, ”I decided in the New Year that it was time for a change.” Noted by the auctioneers in typical British understatement, the high-specification car was uniquely finished in Loire Blue and remains the only I-Pace “to be painted in this colour, whilst those inside the car enjoyed a sumptuous, contrasting leather interior in, fittingly, Light Oyster Windsor.” A revised Jaguar I-Pace is scheduled to arrive next year. Regarding the KingÂ’s affection for automobiles — British automobiles — he reportedly overseas a fleet worth more than $17 million. And while heÂ’s fond of driving conventional vehicles, he told the BBC some years ago that “my old Aston Martin, which I've had for 51 years, runs on — can you believe this — surplus English white wine, and whey from the cheese process.” Essentially the classic had been converted to run on E85 bio-ethanol. "The engineers at Aston said, 'Oh, it'll ruin the whole thing,'" Charles shared with The Telegraph in 2018.