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24 Hours of Le Mans live update part one

We tasked surfing journalist Rory Parker to watch this year's live stream of the 2016 24 Hours of Le Mans. What follows is an experiment to experience the world's greatest endurance race from the perspective of a motorsports novice with a profanity-laden stream-of-consciousness writing style. Parker lives in Hawaii and spends far more time spearfishing than behind the wheel of a car. Jump ahead to Part Two here, and Part Three here. Big Money and billionaire hobbyists and rockets on wheels. Jets belching French color smoke overhead. Balance of power fuckery. Plenty of water on the ground this morning. Absurdly expensive motorcars lined up in the pissing rain. Fast twitch lunatics behind the wheel. Chomping at the bit. Let's go let's go let's go! Race hasn't even started, Ford #67 maybe dealing with clutch issues. Karma? That beautiful bastard Brad Pitt's out on the track, waving the tricolor flag. It's a standing start in "Noah's Ark" weather and the 2016 24 hours of Le Mans is go! First lap takes place behind the safety car, finished in a record setting 8 minutes 27 seconds. Wrong kind of record maybe, but this is the first time I've set my mind to watching the whole damn race. Feel like I'm part of history. 3:00 AM on Kauai, a little too early for life. Sucking down coffee like a maniac. Don't fall back asleep. Got my hands on four hours of rest, how much more can I need? Better be enough for the next twenty four hours. Gonna get kinda punchy toward the end. Jason Statham on the scene. Four feet of solid muscle, non-existent hairline. Lovely wife peanut gallery sitting next to me calls him the "best race car drive in the world." Not sure if she's serious. Toss up, could go either way. Statham's a funny guy. Heir to the Bruce Willis comedy action crown. Really good in the movie where the fat comedy lady plays a spy. Ford's on the road. Problems with gearbox pressure, apparently. Nearing a half hour in and the safety car is still on the track. Hellish amounts of water on the ground, in the air. Visibility is garbage. Getting better. Twitter wags, "Not with a bang but a whimper." Just building suspense. Mother Nature felt like killing some people today, race officials need to dial back the drivers until it dries a tad. Normal inclination would've seen 'em flying, guaranteed early lap wrecks. Sad news for that bloodthirsty part of my lizard brain I try and keep suppressed. Good news for humanity. #12 in the pit for a bit.

2014 Audi SQ5 ditches diesel, still packs a punch

Over in Europe-land, the Audi SQ5 is a diesel-powered monster capable of sending a whopping 479 pound-feet of torque to its wheels. Naturally, this beast isn't coming to the States, but that doesn't mean we're missing out on the whole SQ5 experience altogether. At the Detroit Auto Show this week, Audi is debuting a new gasoline-powered version of the hot crossover, and while it's not quite the oil-burning dreamboat we've lusted after from afar, we certainly wouldn't kick it out of bed.
Instead of a diesel, we get a boosted version of Audi's supercharged 3.0-liter V6, good for 354 horsepower and 346 pound-feet of torque. Running through an eight-speed automatic transmission, the SQ5 will reportedly be able to fire off 0-60 times in the low-five-second range and will top out at an electronically limited 155 miles per hour. Suspension upgrades are on hand to improve road-going prowess, but also lower the Q5's stance a bit, too.
Because this is an S model, there are plenty of visual upgrades on hand, including a more aggressive front fascia, 20-inch wheels and some pretty new colors including Estoril Blue and Panther Black. Interior upgrades like Alcantara trim and aluminum brightwork add to some sportiness from the cockpit view, as well.

11M VW diesels affected, Porsche and Audi under investigation

Volkswagen's diesel scandal is growing exponentially larger. In a new statement, the company admits that 11 million vehicles worldwide might be equipped with software capable of evading emissions testing. In addition, the Environmental Protection Agency is beginning an investigation into the 3.0-liter V6 in Audi models and the Porsche Cayenne in the US, according to The Detroit News. The automaker claims that from its investigation so far, the "relevant engine management software is also installed in other Volkswagen Group vehicles with diesel engines." However, the company finds that the "noticeable deviation" in test results and real-world numbers only relates to the Type EA 189 powerplant. That still leaves 11 million vehicles potentially skirting emissions rules, though. Governments around the world have started taking a closer look into the company, too. In the US, the EPA has begun testing VW's V6 diesel because "they were certified well before we knew what we know now," Christopher Grundler, director of the EPA's Office of Transportation and Air Quality, said to The Detroit News. The agency has started checking diesels from other automakers to make sure they're meeting the rules, as well. Germany, the European Union, and South Korea have instituted similar investigations. In response, VW is setting aside 6.5 billion euros ($7.25 billion at current rates) to cover servicing all of these diesels. The company admits that the figure might have to be adjusted depending on what happens next. The money is being deducted from its third-quarter earnings. Related Video: VOLKSWAGEN AG HAS ISSUED THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT: Sep 22, 2015 Volkswagen is working at full speed to clarify irregularities concerning a particular software used in diesel engines. New vehicles from the Volkswagen Group with EU 6 diesel engines currently available in the European Union comply with legal requirements and environmental standards. The software in question does not affect handling, consumption or emissions. This gives clarity to customers and dealers. Further internal investigations conducted to date have established that the relevant engine management software is also installed in other Volkswagen Group vehicles with diesel engines. For the majority of these engines the software does not have any effect. Discrepancies relate to vehicles with Type EA 189 engines, involving some eleven million vehicles worldwide.