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The VW emissions carnage assessment with an upside

Bombs cause destruction. Even if they're intelligently guided and pinpoint, there's always collateral damage. The strange Volkswagen brew, which is still spontaneously combusting in plain sight, will result in aftershocks for years. And the professional end of the corporation's top leadership will not be the only casualties. Blows are striking shareholder confidence, the residual value of the cars involved, consumer confidence, and the German economy itself. A hard rain's going to fall elsewhere, too. Here are just four damage assessment areas. The High-Compression Past and Low-Compassion Future of Diesels Despite European and especially German manufacturers' high belief that diesel engines were a way to light-duty automotive salvation, VW's scandal started the last nail in the fuel's coffin. Regulations both in the U.S. and in Europe for particulates and nitrogen oxide (NOx) are getting much harder to meet, and this is at the very core of VW's deception. Even with the high-cost exhaust after-treatment systems, sky-high fuel pressure, and sophisticated electronics, the inescapable NOx realities won't be washable by technology in an affordable way. German engineering pride will have to work a real miracle to meet these looming regs and the stain of VW's scandal did the whole diesel movement no favors. Perhaps not so ironically, the E.U. adopted more stringent emission standards this year, which closely mimic the U.S. Tier 2, Bin 5 figures phased in for 2008. Indeed, when VW announced it was able to meet the stringent US NOx emissions standards in 2009 for its diesel engines without urea injection as an exhaust after-treatment, it was a particularly high point of engineering pride for the company. No other manufacturer had figured out how to do so. One Honda official at the time remarked that they had simply no idea how VW was achieving this feat and Honda couldn't come close. Well, neither could VW. On a macro scale, European cities are also starting to face government fines for air quality violations. This is forcing those cities to find various ways to cut smog-related causes like tailpipe emissions. In fact, Paris has gone to the length of restricting car use on a sliding scale when smog persists, while electric cars are free to roam. France's longer and larger plan is banning diesel fuel for light-duty transportation entirely. But why was there a frothy focus by the European manufacturers on diesels in the first place?

Even 'basic' girls are tired of their cheating VW Jettas

Well, this didn't take long. Former Volkswagen CEO Martin Winterkorn's office probably hasn't even been packed yet, and the jokes about his scandal-ridden former employer have already begun to fly. Today, we'll be featuring the team from Funny Or Die, which has opted to not only skewer Volkswagen for its TDIsaster, but one of the victims of the company's catastrophe – the 'basic' girl. For those not in the know, "basic," according to Urban Dictionary is an adjective reserved for someone "devoid of defining characteristics that might make a person interesting, extraordinary, or just simply worth devoting time or attention to," and that they are "lacking intelligence and unable to socialize on even an elementary level." And when it comes to basic girls, the Volkswagen Jetta is as ubiquitous as a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte. But with the VW controversy, basic girls are finding their Jettas aren't so good for their green credentials. So check out Funny Or Die's take on these scorned drivers, in the video above. And fair warning, there's a bit of foul language.

Matthias Muller officially named VW Group CEO

While the vast number of rumors made it seem like a foregone conclusion, Porsche boss Matthias Muller has officially been named Volkswagen Group CEO to replace the recently resigned Martin Winterkorn. His contract runs through the end of February 2020, and until a replacement is found, Muller also gets to hang onto his old job as chairman of Porsche. At the same time, the VW Group Supervisory Board is announcing a massive structural reorganization across the entire company, with the new management model in place by the beginning of 2016. Contrary to previous rumors, Michael Horn remains as President and CEO of VW Group of America. The board wants a greater emphasis on brands and regions going forward, and the scale of this shift can be seen in the US. On November 1, VW Group business in the US, Mexico, and Canada is being combined under the leadership of current Skoda chairman Winfried Vahland. However contrary to previous rumors, Michael Horn remains as President and CEO of VW Group of America. Other brands are also seeing some significant changes mechanically. Porsche, Bentley, and Bugatti now fall under the Group's "sportscar and mid-engine toolkit." This means that the brands will start sharing standardized technical parts. A Chief Technical Officer across all of the company's brands will also start working toward future innovations. The new brand-centric view means the end of a group-wide production department. "Going forward, the brands and regions will also have greater independence with regard to production. So it follows that they should also hold the responsibility for these activities," Berthold Huber, interim Chairman of the Supervisory Board, said in the announcement. In a statement with the press release about his promotion, Muller promised to turn the company around after such an international crisis. He said: "My most urgent task is to win back trust for the Volkswagen Group – by leaving no stone unturned and with maximum transparency, as well as drawing the right conclusions from the current situation. Under my leadership, Volkswagen will do everything it can to develop and implement the most stringent compliance and governance standards in our industry." Matthias Muller appointed CEO of the Volkswagen Group Muller remains Chairman of Porsche AG until a successor has been found Matthias Muller (62) has been appointed CEO of Volkswagen AG with immediate effect.