2004 Volkswagen Phaeton V8 Sedan 4-door 4.2l on 2040-cars

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Even 'basic' girls are tired of their cheating VW Jettas

Well, this didn't take long. Former Volkswagen CEO Martin Winterkorn's office probably hasn't even been packed yet, and the jokes about his scandal-ridden former employer have already begun to fly. Today, we'll be featuring the team from Funny Or Die, which has opted to not only skewer Volkswagen for its TDIsaster, but one of the victims of the company's catastrophe – the 'basic' girl. For those not in the know, "basic," according to Urban Dictionary is an adjective reserved for someone "devoid of defining characteristics that might make a person interesting, extraordinary, or just simply worth devoting time or attention to," and that they are "lacking intelligence and unable to socialize on even an elementary level." And when it comes to basic girls, the Volkswagen Jetta is as ubiquitous as a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte. But with the VW controversy, basic girls are finding their Jettas aren't so good for their green credentials. So check out Funny Or Die's take on these scorned drivers, in the video above. And fair warning, there's a bit of foul language.

Audi says fixing diesel emission problem is simple

Audi reportedly has a simple repair nearly ready to fix the emissions problem on 85,000 vehicles with the 3.0-liter TDI V6 in the US. "Swift, straightforward and customer-friendly solutions are in discussion," company exec Rupert Stadler told workers in Germany, according to Reuters. In late November, Audi announced that the 3.0 TDI had three previously undisclosed auxiliary emission control devices, including one that was potentially considered a defeat device under US law. At the time, the German automaker claimed it could repair the problem with just a software update. Stadler's statement indicates that just such a simple fix might be on the way. Even before Audi's disclosure of the emission control devices, the Environmental Protection Agency issued a notice of violation against the 3.0-liter TDI for allegedly having software to defeat emissions tests, and the agency later expanded the scope to any vehicle with the engine from 2009 through 2016. The affected models include the Audi A6, A7, A8, Q5, Q7, Volkswagen Touareg, and Porsche Cayenne. New diesel versions of these vehicles have a stop-sale. Audi offered owners of affected vehicles the same $1,000 Goodwill Package that parent company VW offered to its affected diesel owners. The money is split up into a $500 gift card and $500 to spend at the Audi dealer. The package also comes with extended roadside assistance. Audi needs to find a solution quickly because it's under a 45-day deadline from the California Air Resources Board to submit a recall plan for the 15,000 vehicles with the 3.0 TDI in the state. The automaker also must include a report on any effects to fuel economy and performance from the proposed repair. Related Video:

Audi rumored to buy Alfa Romeo, officials deny it

For more than two years, Volkswagen has been making public statements about its willingness to buy Alfa Romeo and quadruple the Italian brand's sales, and for just as long, Fiat CEO Sergio Marchionne has replied with some version of "Mr. Piëch, drop it." According to a report in Ward's Auto, all that jousting might be over: it claims that sources close to both Marchionne and Audi CEO Rupert Stadler admit that the two are in talks for Audi to buy not just Alfa Romeo, but a production plant in Italy. In fact, a final deal could possibly include partsmaker Magnetti Marelli.
Against that backdrop, a report by German news weekly Stern quotes a Fiat spokesmen as saying it doesn't comment on rumors and an Audi rep has said flatly that "There is no substance in the news." If a sale is being arranged, the timing would seem to point to how eager Fiat is to raise cash to complete its major initiatives. Even though Alfa Romeo continues to delay its return to the US, it just showed off the production version of the 4C at the Geneva Motor Show (shown above) and said that preferred Fiat dealerships here would get them. Then there's Alfa's recently concluded deal with Mazda to develop a roadster based on the next generation MX-5 Miata - a deal that would seem to help both the Italian and Japanese brands.
The monetary issues are troublesome, though. Fiat is taking a beating in the European market and its weak-kneed balance sheet is delaying gotta-have-it products like the Jeep Cherokee. Fiat has been talking to banks about getting money to buy the rest of Chrysler and those financial institutions have also raised issues about debt and cash reserves, and the nasty game of chess Fiat is playing with the United Auto Workers (and now the court system about the portion of Chrysler it doesn't own) could end up blowing another hole in Marchionne's plans. It is possible that this could finally have convinced Fiat to at least see how serious Audi's parent company, Volkswagen, is about buying Alfa Romeo. Or it could be just another rumor.