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Five reasons to love, or hate, the culture of German cars

A few months back, we took a 500-foot view of the culture of American cars, dissecting prides and prejudices on our way to the conclusion that automotive allegiances can be simultaneously embraced and derided. We had so much fun with the narrative that we decided to do it again, this time taking a look at Germany and its world-renowned lineup of automakers, including the likes of Audi, BMW, Mercedes-Benz, Porsche and Volkswagen, among others. Join us below as we discuss the points and counterpoints that make or have made the German auto industry what it is today. And remember, Germany did pretty much invent the automobile, after all... The V12 Engine If America is known for the proliferation of the V8 engine, an argument could be made that Germany owns the V12. Yes, of course, other companies have created V12 engines – Ferrari, Jaguar and Lamborghini immediately come to mind – but the big 12-cylinder powerplants from BMW and Mercedes-Benz, in particular, have proven to be some of the most effortless, luxurious and downright over-built engines the world has ever seen. These days, having 12 cylinders is more a case of wretched excess than ever before, and yet, you can still stroll into your local BMW or Mercedes dealership and get a brand-new 760i, S600 or even an over-the-top G65 AMG, efficiency be damned. Best of all, since the majority of these German powerhouses depreciate as fast as an anchor sinks, nearly any auto enthusiast who dreams of a dozen cylinders can satisfy their carnal desires. Current Star: 2016 Mercedes-Maybach S600 View 28 Photos Diesel Engines Remember how we talked about those glorious V12 engines? Well, you can even get one from Audi that runs on diesel. If your compression-ignition fantasies err more on the side of fuel savings, that's no problem, either. Audi, BMW, Mercedes and Volkswagen have got you covered, with engines starting as small as 800 cubic centimeters (Smart Fortwo). If you want something a little more practical, it's hard to argue with a VW Golf TDI, which will provide plenty of space for you and three of your best friends, plus a fair bit of luggage, all while returning 50-ish miles per gallon. For the purposes of this discussion, we'd rather focus on the asinine levels of torque provided by Germany's high-end diesel engines than the lower-end fuel sippers.

Weekly Recap: Porsche embarks on Mission E

Porsche's board of directors approved the company's first all-electric car Friday, signing off on production of the eye-catching Mission E concept that debuted in September at the Frankfurt Motor Show. It's set for launch by the end of the decade. The Frankfurt concept uses lithium-ion batteries to power two synchronous motors that create more than 600 horsepower and provide a range of 311 miles on the European cycle. It's capable of hitting 62 miles per hour in 3.5 seconds and can run the Nurburgring Nordschleife in less than eight minutes. In a statement, Porsche board chairman Oliver Blume called the Mission E the "beginning a new chapter in the history of the sports car." Porsche is backing that up with a roughly $1.1-billion investment that will create more than 1,000 jobs at its facilities in Zuffenhausen, Germany. The company will spend more than $760 million at its main site there to build a paint shop and a new assembly plant. It will also expand an engine factory to make electric motors. Porsche's renewed electric ambitions come as it grapples with fallout from parent company Volkswagen's diesel-emissions scandal. Porsche uses a VW diesel engine in the Cayenne SUV, which it stopped selling in November until a fix is found. Still, Mission E's scheduled landing could be as much as four years away – when Porsche and VW hope their diesel woes will be long over. The electric strategy is clearly a long play to provide its enthusiast owners with an efficient form of sport and luxury as fuel economy and emissions regulations tighten around the world. And if you still can't wrap your head around electric Porsches, the company also just announced plans to make the 911 Turbo and Turbo S even more powerful. Electric propulsion is part of Porsche's future, but for now at least, it isn't everything. OTHER NEWS VW sales crash 25 percent in November Finally, the other shoe dropped. Volkswagen sales plummeted 25 percent in November as fallout from the company's diesel-emissions scandal finally showed up on the sales charts. VW had managed to tread water with flat sales through September (the scandal broke more than halfway through the month) and October. The company stopped selling its 2.0-liter I4 and 3.0-liter V6 diesels as it works to make the engines complaint with emissions rules. VW admitted to rigging its diesel-powered cars so they could pass emissions tests in the United States and around the world.

This man literally loves a Porsche [NSFW]

Think you know what "auto erotic" means? Think again. Because one man in Thailand has redefined the term. Caught on security camera footage this guy lurks into a garage, looks over both shoulders, evidently misses the camera, drops trou and has his way with a Porsche Boxster. When the tailpipe proved too hot (or otherwise inhospitable), he moves up to the radiator grille and – ahem – finishes up there. Sadly this isn't even the first time we've come across this particular perversion. We'd urge caution before viewing the video, not only because it's not suitable for a workplace environment, but because once you see it, you're bound to repeatedly blurt out, "Why, man!? Why?"