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A realistic approach to fixing Mitsubishi

There are going to be a lot of words written about what Nissan needs to do with Mitsubishi in the coming months and years in the interest of turning the brand around. After Nissan's purchase of a controlling stake in the diamond star brand, there's been more interest in Mitsubishi thanks to the potential of platform sharing and plenty of cash from Nissan-Renault to get the juices flowing again. But, while some have been doing their best to advocate for the return of the 3000GT, Evolution, and even the Starion - Many of these posts forget the reality of the market we live in today. As much as we like to look back fondly at the sports coupes of the '90s, a byproduct of the insane cash flows all the Japanese manufacturers had at the time, the reality of today puts a much greater emphasis on what is most-boring; Crossover SUVs, alongside mid-size and compact sedans. We do need to ask a fundamental question, how much Mitsubishi is enough to be able to continue to call the cars Mitsubishis? Aside from slight product revisions and reconfigurations, Mitsubishi (at least in North America) has been largely dependent on the same GS platform and 4B1 engines that date back to their long-time partnership with Chrysler (and Hyundai) in the mid '00s. Admittedly, the chassis and engines have served the company well, underpinning a wide variety of vehicles sold around the world, and seeing quite a few revisions to at least attempt to keep products competitive. But, the GS chassis is old, heavy, and severely out of date - and when matched to the underpowered 4B1 series engines - make for largely uncompetitive offerings in the market. While something like the Outlander Sport is indeed interesting compared to a Honda CR-V, it is by no means the smart choice in the segment. So, going forward, unless Mitsubishi has had a skunkworks of sorts developing their chassis and engine replacements over the past few years, what exactly are they planning to do for their bread-and-butter models? I think the straightforward answer is without a doubt the Nissan North America parts bin. With so many of their models selling well, and for the most part, are reasonably well-reviewed, it would be quite simple to adapt the chassis and powertrain to Mitsubishi's liking to create a high-volume alternative to what is currently available now.

Nissan had to re-edit this commercial two times to placate Aussie ad watchdog [w/poll]

Nissan recently aired a commercial in Australia for its Pulsar SSS hatchback - think of it as a five-door relative of our Sentra - in which a couple is seen hastily making their way to the hospital ahead of giving birth. But the ad you can watch now isn't the same ad that aired originally - in fact, Nissan had to re-edit the commercial twice before the Australian Advertising Standards Bureau (ASB) would accept it.
According to Go Auto, the original ad received complaints that it depicted unsafe and reckless driving, including speeding, following cars too closely and screeching to a halt upon arriving at the hospital. One of the complaints reportedly read: "The advertisement promotes driving behavior (rapid acceleration/deceleration/changes of direction) that is counter to sound medical advice regarding the carriage of heavily pregnant women in motor vehicles."
In the first edit, Nissan lowered the vehicle's engine noise, removed the woman's speech urging the man to drive faster ("Go, go, go!") and inserted a disclaimer that read "Filmed under controlled conditions," according to Go Auto, but all of that still wasn't enough to appease the ASB.

Man sells testicle to buy Nissan 370Z

We aren't entirely sure what's stranger about this story - that a man actually sold a vital piece of his manhood for a car, or that he did it for a Nissan 370Z. That's not to discredit the trusty Fairlady, a car we generally like, but that if we were to do what Mark Parisi did and sell one of his testicles to science, we'd be asking for a helluva lot more than $35,000.
But Parisi did just that, and announced live on CBS' The Doctors (we really can't make this up) that the sale of his nut would go towards the purchase of a Z. According to our friends Down Under (Australia, get your mind out of the gutter), $35K is the going rate for one slightly used testicle, so if you get nothing else from this story, gentlemen, know that you have $70,000 swinging between your legs.