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2015 Australian Grand Prix all about grooves and trenches [spoilers]

We can't remember the last time 90 percent of the action in Formula One had nothing to do with cars setting timed laps. Yet that's was the situation at the Australian Grand Prix, continuing the antics from a scarcely believable off-season with blow-ups, driver and team absences, a lawsuit, and a clear need for some teams to get down and give us 50 pit stops. Nothing much has changed from a regulation standpoint, and at the front of the field nothing has changed at all. Lewis Hamilton in the Mercedes-AMG Petronas claimed the first position on the grid like someone put a sign on it that read, "Reserved for Mr. Hamilton;" teammate Nico Rosberg was 0.6 behind in second, Felipe Massa in the Williams was 1.4 seconds back in third. Sebastian Vettel proved that Ferrari didn't do another Groundhog Day routine this off-season, slotting into fourth. His teammate Kimi Raikkonen was not even four-hundredths of a second behind, ahead of Valtteri Bottas in the second Williams, Daniel Ricciardo in the first Infiniti Red Bull Racing, and rookie Carlos Sainz, Jr. in the first Toro Rosso. Lotus, now powered by Mercedes, got both cars into the top ten with Romain Grosjean in ninth, Pastor Maldonado in the final spot. However, even though the regulations are almost all carryover, in actual fact, everything has changed this year. Mercedes is even faster. Renault is even worse. Ferrari and Lotus are a lot better. Toro Rosso is looking like anything but a junior team. And McLaren is – well, let's not even get into that yet. Furthermore, this weekend was shambles: 15 cars started the race, the smallest naturally-occurring grid since 1963. Manor couldn't get its cars ready before qualifying. Bottas had to pull out after qualifying when he tore a disc in his back and couldn't pass the medical clearance tests. The gearbox in Daniil Kvyat's Red Bull gave out on the lap from the pit to the grid, and to give misery some company, the Honda in Kevin Magnussen's McLaren blew up on the same lap. When the lights went out, Hamilton ran away and was more than a second ahead of his teammate at the end of Lap 1. The advantage disappeared, though, because behind him, at the first corner, we got our first pile-up. As Raikkonen drove around the outside of Vettel at the right-hand Turn 1 it looked like Vettel, going over the kerbing, hopped to his left and bounced into Raikkonen.

The Mercedes-Maybach Pullman Guard is a limo with a bulletproof vest

As fabulously plush as the Mercedes-Maybach Pullman is, there is a certain class of individual for which luxury is only part of the equation. Oligarchs, dictators, kingpins of questionable businesses, and probably some legitimate world leaders all love luxury, but they sometimes face some hairy commutes that demand a bit more protection. For them, the answer to their luxury car needs is the armored Pullman Guard. The Mercedes-Maybach Pullman Guard tops the line of S-Class Guard models that also includes the Mercedes-Benz S600 Guard and the Mercedes-Maybach S600 Guard. Like the non-armored Pullman it packs loads of leather, seats with practically infinite adjustability, and redundant gauges for rear passengers. It is also by far the longest S-Class vehicle available, stretching more than 40 inches longer than the next-longest Mercedes-Maybach. This tremendous length allows the Pullman Guard to have four-passenger seating in the rear, with two seats facing two others. It's the perfect place to sign treaties or entertain diplomats. Or, if foreign affairs aren't your speed, it would also be a convenient place to carve up territory, issue ultimatums to enemies, and intimidate dissidents. The Pullman Guard was developed alongside the standard Pullman, and because of that, the added armor does not sacrifice interior space. The armor does affect weight, though. The Pullman Guard weighs over 11,000 pounds. But, in return, the steel plates on the sides and floor, non-Kevlar-brand high-strength fabrics, and polycarbonate-backed windows protect occupants from bullets and explosives. Plus, the Pullman Guard features a twin-turbo V12 that produces 530 horsepower and 612 lb-ft of torque to haul the added ballast around. If a recognized authority is ordering a Pullman Guard, Mercedes also offers sirens, flashing lights, two-way radios, an emergency starter battery, and a loudspeaker system. These items are sure to be useful when trying to navigate seas of protestors in the streets. All of this extra protection will cost you though, and if you have to ask, you definitely can't afford it. But we'll tell you the price anyway. A standard Pullman will run around $500,000 at current exchange rates. For the Guard model, be prepared to shell out about $1.56 million. It's a steep price for sure, but for those whose pampered lives are in danger, it's probably worth it.

Brabus to storm Geneva with 800-hp version of Mercedes SL65 AMG

At no point during our recent drive of the 2013 Mercedes-Benz SL65 AMG did we ever think, "You know, this thing sure is slow." After all, Merc's range-topping SL comes fitted with a twin-turbocharged 6.0-liter V12 capable of sending 621 horsepower and 738 pound-feet of torque to the rear wheels. But just in case you're still all "meh" about what the SL65 throws down, Brabus will gladly come to your rescue with this, the 800 Roadster.
As its name suggests, the 800 Roadster ups the V12's power figures to 800 horsepower and - wait for it - 1,047 pound-feet of torque. Don't get too excited, though - that torque number has been electronically limited to a measly 811 lb-ft since, you know, the transmission would probably explode if you tried to put the full force through it. Nevertheless, these represent increases of 79 hp and 73 lb-ft over the standard SL65, and that means the 800 Roadster can shoot to 62 miles per hour in just 3.7 seconds - two-tenths of a second quicker than the Merc its based on. More impressively, hitting 124 mph takes just under 10 seconds, and the droptop will finally top out at an electronically limited - limited! - 217 mph. Holy smokes.
To manage all of that speed, Brabus has engineered a special carbon fiber aero kit that reduces lift, and a unique control module for the SL65's active body control suspension lowers the ride height by one full inch. The 800 Roadster rides on new 20-inch wheels, and a unique limited-slip rear differential was added, featuring a 40 percent locking rate that further enhances performance when you're attempting to control the beast at its limits. Interior upgrades include new leather and alcantara surfaces throughout the cabin, including a leather-clad trunk.