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Junkyard Gem: 2000 Buick Regal GSE

Except for a break from 2005 through 2010, and an indefinite break after this year, The General has been selling the Buick Regal since the 1973 model year. From 1988 to 2005, the Regal rode on the same GM W-Body front-wheel-drive platform as the Chevy Impala and Pontiac Grand Prix, and some of the more interesting W Regals came with ever-hairier versions of GM's supercharged Buick V6 engine. These Eaton-blown Regals were big, comfortable and quick, but they've nearly disappeared from roads by now. I found this 2000 GSE, the kingliest Regal of that year, in a Colorado self-service yard last month. Some junkyard shopper had already grabbed the Eaton M90 blower from this car by the time I got here, because everyone wants a blower or nine stashed in the garage (I have five at the moment). If you're looking to junkyard-supercharge your AMC Pacer wagon race car and use a Soviet truck carburetor for fuel delivery, the Eaton M90 is about the easiest to remove from the junkyard and the easiest to rig up on the car. This engine made 240 horsepower when new, giving the Regal GSE quarter-mile times below the 15-second mark. The price of the 2000 Regal GSE started at $25,300, or about $38,640 in 2020 dollars. You could get the same engine engine and chassis with the Pontiac Grand Prix GTP sedan for $24,610, giving you near-identical performance and a sportier (but less dignified) look. Buick didn't bother making a manual transmission available in any North American W-Body Regal after the 1993 model year. This reduced the fun level in these cars, but probably spared owners a lot of broken axles, CV joints, and hubs. This car has the optional Monsoon speaker system, also found in some Volkswagens of the same era. Apparently Monsoon systems for home computers were all the rage during the early 2000s. Did the Oshawa plant lift that "One grade only and that the best" slogan from the Canadian Corps in Passchendaele in '17? It sounds like a Commonwealth slogan of an earlier era. This car looks pretty good inside and out, but most Colorado buyers seeking a powerful used four-door these days seek out trucks. It doesn't take much of a mechanical problem (or accumulation of parking tickets) to doom a car like today's Junkyard Gem. So many features!

Junkyard Gem: 1990 Buick Reatta Coupe

During the 1980s, General Motors worked hard to woo back American car shoppers who had defected to European luxury brands. Swanky interiors, futuristic electronics and Europe-influenced styling found their way into quite a few GM models during the second half of the decade. Pontiac had the 6000 STE, Oldsmobile offered the Toronado Trofeo, Cadillac sold the Turin-Hamtramck-built Allante, and Buick produced the sporty Reatta two-seater. Just under 22,000 Reattas were built during the 1988 through 1991 model years, and today's Junkyard Find is the fifth example I've found during my junkyard travels. The Reatta was the most expensive 1990 Buick, priced at $28,335 for the coupe and $34,995 for the convertible (or about $65,895 and $81,380 in inflation-adjusted 2022 dollars).  For that kind of money, American car shoppers in 1990 could get a BMW 325i in coupe or convertible form for $24,650 or $33,850. They could get a Saab 900 Turbo convertible for $32,995 or an Audi Coupe Quattro for $29,750. Each of those European competitors had sophisticated overhead-cam engines and grippy suspensions, but the Reatta was built on a shortened version of the chassis that went under the Barcalounger-esque Buick Riviera and its engine was the old-timey pushrod Buick V6. The 3.8-liter Buick V6 had been made quite reliable and acceptably smooth by the time this car was built, and it made 165 horsepower (just three fewer than the BMW 325i), but Buick salesmen didn't have much to brag about when showing this engine compartment to a 35-year-old youngster who had just driven a Saab 900 Turbo. The antiquated engine was problem enough, but the lack of a manual transmission served to chase off additional potential buyers. A four-speed automatic was mandatory in every Reatta. Just in case some traditional (i.e. Greatest Generation members) Buick customers might consider this glamorous two-seater, Buick scared them off with the Reatta's video-game-style digital dash and its way-ahead-of-its-time Graphics Control Center touchscreen interface. You can't win! The Graphics Control Center hardware has been grabbed from this dash (the components also fit optioned-up Rivieras and Trofeos of the same era, so junkyard shoppers pull them for resale). Naturally, a Reatta owner would want a hardwired car phone. If you really wanted to be cool in the early 1990s, you bought a Chrysler product with the amazing VisorPhone.

2014 Buick LaCrosse

A Nice, New Buick Aims For Middle Of The Road
Any time someone describes some portion of a car or a driving experience as being "nice," I want to either A) throttle them or B) run as fast and as far as I can from that vehicle. "Nice" is among the most insidious words in the English language - at best it's vague, and at worst, it conveys the exact opposite of its literal meaning. Yet it seems to be used with damnable frequency when it comes to verbally illustrating vehicles. "It looks really nice," or "These seats feel nice," or, heaven forefend, "It's got a nice ride," are all windy signifiers of absolutely nothing resembling a concrete opinion. "Nice" is the adjectival equivalent of meekly smiling and nodding your head.
Of course, I'm as guilty as the next person of having thrown English's least powerful descriptor around. There's even a chance that, rant aside, you'll catch me making nice in reviews to come. That's fine, but you should know that when you stumble upon such usage, past or future, that you've found a sentence in which I'm simply applying a bare minimum of effort to the task.