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24 Hours of Le Mans live update part one

We tasked surfing journalist Rory Parker to watch this year's live stream of the 2016 24 Hours of Le Mans. What follows is an experiment to experience the world's greatest endurance race from the perspective of a motorsports novice with a profanity-laden stream-of-consciousness writing style. Parker lives in Hawaii and spends far more time spearfishing than behind the wheel of a car. Jump ahead to Part Two here, and Part Three here. Big Money and billionaire hobbyists and rockets on wheels. Jets belching French color smoke overhead. Balance of power fuckery. Plenty of water on the ground this morning. Absurdly expensive motorcars lined up in the pissing rain. Fast twitch lunatics behind the wheel. Chomping at the bit. Let's go let's go let's go! Race hasn't even started, Ford #67 maybe dealing with clutch issues. Karma? That beautiful bastard Brad Pitt's out on the track, waving the tricolor flag. It's a standing start in "Noah's Ark" weather and the 2016 24 hours of Le Mans is go! First lap takes place behind the safety car, finished in a record setting 8 minutes 27 seconds. Wrong kind of record maybe, but this is the first time I've set my mind to watching the whole damn race. Feel like I'm part of history. 3:00 AM on Kauai, a little too early for life. Sucking down coffee like a maniac. Don't fall back asleep. Got my hands on four hours of rest, how much more can I need? Better be enough for the next twenty four hours. Gonna get kinda punchy toward the end. Jason Statham on the scene. Four feet of solid muscle, non-existent hairline. Lovely wife peanut gallery sitting next to me calls him the "best race car drive in the world." Not sure if she's serious. Toss up, could go either way. Statham's a funny guy. Heir to the Bruce Willis comedy action crown. Really good in the movie where the fat comedy lady plays a spy. Ford's on the road. Problems with gearbox pressure, apparently. Nearing a half hour in and the safety car is still on the track. Hellish amounts of water on the ground, in the air. Visibility is garbage. Getting better. Twitter wags, "Not with a bang but a whimper." Just building suspense. Mother Nature felt like killing some people today, race officials need to dial back the drivers until it dries a tad. Normal inclination would've seen 'em flying, guaranteed early lap wrecks. Sad news for that bloodthirsty part of my lizard brain I try and keep suppressed. Good news for humanity. #12 in the pit for a bit.

Audi dealer roof collapses, 20 cars crash into workshop [w/video]

The roof over a car dealership in the UK collapsed on Monday, leaving as many as 20 vehicles buried in the rubble. According to the Guardian, the incident occurred at around noon yesterday at the Audi dealership in Milton Keynes – a town of about 250,000 in Buckinghamshire that you may recognize as the home base for Red Bull Racing as well as Honda's F1 engine ship. (It's also where companies like Mercedes, Volkswagen, and Suzuki have placed their UK offices.) Workers in the service department reportedly heard a bang, then evacuated the building before the roof gave way. The section of roof that collapsed apparently serves as a multi-story parking structure at the back corner of the workshop. Firefighters responded to the scene, but fortunately no one was reported to have been injured in the incident.

Audi's CEO might not have known of VW emissions scheme

There's been no shortage of finger-pointing when it comes to finding people to blame for the Volkswagen diesel-emissions scandal that broke last September. One rather powerful executive, however, appears to have escaped blame. That would be Audi CEO Rupert Stadler, whose company sold about 85,000 diesel vehicles with emissions-cheating software, Reuters says, citing people familiar with the process. US law firm Jones Day questioned executives at both VW and its Audi unit and has found no evidence that Stadler was complicit with the plan, which involved programming Volkswagen-made diesel engines to produce artificially low emissions when the vehicle was being smog-tested. In Audi's case, the engine type in question was the 3.0-liter V6 diesel. Officials with both VW and its Audi unit declined to comment, according to Reuters. That engine was used for the Audi A6, A7, A8, Q5, and Q7 since the 2009 model year, in addition to the VW Touareg and Porsche Cayenne. Audi also sold the VW Group 2.0-liter four-cylinder in the A3 from 2010 to 2013 and 2015. VW has reached an agreement with US regulators concerning that engine, which is also not connected to Stadler. Last month, German newspaper Bild am Sonntag published specifics on how the 3.0-liter diesel cheated the emissions-testing process, including records that the motor was programmed to shut of its emissions-control equipment after 22 minutes of running, or about two minutes longer than typical emissions-compliance testing. Audi said last November that it would work on a software update for the V6's emissions-control system that would be submitted to both the California Air Resources Board (CARB) and the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), but the VW unit hasn't reached any settlement with US regulators implying that a solution was agreed upon. Volkswagen's settlement with the EPA will cost Europe's largest automaker as much as $15 billion in the form of buybacks, lease buyouts, vehicle repairs, and investments in zero-emissions technology. VW sold about a half-million vehicles in the US that contained the so-called "cheat" software. Related Video: News Source: Reuters Government/Legal Green Audi Volkswagen Diesel Vehicles vw diesel scandal scandal Rupert Stadler