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2013 Mini John Cooper Works

Location, Location, Location
Back in February, Mini invited me to come try out its brand-new Paceman coupe-crossover-hatchback thing in Puerto Rico, and not long after, I spit out a Quick Spin detailing my impressions of the little-big two-door. But here's what I didn't tell you: Mini also let me loose on those fine, curvaceous, tropical roads in its hottest hatch, the John Cooper Works GP. And while that behind-the-wheel gigglefest would have no doubt made for a story laden with positive notes and warm regards, the truth is, I only drove it for 15 minutes, so I couldn't in good conscience offer much of a story to you. (European Editor Matt Davis also got a short stint behind the wheel of the GP late last year.)
So for the sake of due diligence, I buckled down and spent a full eight days with the JCW GP back home in Detroit, just as springtime was starting to stick here in southeast Michigan. But after my time with the Mini, I was wishing that I could have just been left with my GP memories from Puerto Rico, where I was pushing the little hotbox hard around smooth corners and flexing every one of its muscles to eke out the full JCW GP experience in only a short timeframe.

Mini celebrates racing success with John Cooper Works Countryman ALL4 Dakar Winner 2013

French drivers Stéphane Peterhansel and Jean-Paul Cottret drove a Mini Countryman to a class win at this year's Dakar Rally, and to commemorate their win, Mini has introduced a limited-volume car that will only be sold in France. The Mini John Cooper Works Countryman ALL4 Dakar Winner 2013 might be a mouthful to say, but it's a fitting tribute to Peterhansel's eleventh Dakar win as this Countryman is painted to look like the rally car and only 11 will be sold in the Peterhansel's home country.
Sporting a similar green-over-matte-black paint scheme as the Dakar Countryman, the JCW Countryman ALL4 Dakar Winner 2013 also adds green accents to the full-length top and side stripes, the side marker lights and also contrasting stitching inside the cabin. Adding to the car's rally look, this special edition will also include the racers' number card on the front doors, Dakar decals on the front and rear and Peterhansel's signature on the hood. Grille-mounted rally lights, bright red brake calipers and unique 19-inch wheels with dark-painted inserts finish off the exterior design.

2014 Mini John Cooper Works Countryman All4

The standard Mini Countryman is a bit of an odd duck against the backdrop of 'normal' small crossovers like the Mazda CX-5 and the Ford Escape, but I sort of get it. Apply the same winning Mini formula to a CUV, and you get a smaller-than-average entry in the segment, one that is far more entertaining to drive than the norm, more stylish inside and out and pretty expensive when cross-shopped. That list of qualities doesn't appeal to all crossover shoppers, sure, but it intrigues a big enough list that the Countryman has reason for being.
Now, add the expensive John Cooper Works package to the Countryman's already niche goodies list, and Mini starts to lose me. So, I'm getting the softer suspended, taller, generally less dynamically joyful version of the brand's core values, but now you're charging me at least $35,000 ($13k more expensive than the basic, front-drive Cooper Countryman and $7k more than the MSRP of the Cooper S All4 version)? What's that? You're going to make it look like a garish, tippy-toed tuner car in the process? Take my money.
Or, actually, let me keep it. I can swing with a lot of the weirdness that Mini has to offer, but this car pushed me past my limit.